Day 362
Today the library was closed so I did what any loser would do, I bitched about it via my Facebook status update. I wrote something like, "the library is closed what am I supposed to do?!" Then I got a response from a guy in the United States suggesting that I go to the beach. Even though I live extremely close to one of Canada's most wonderful beaches, I hadn't thought of that. So, I ambled, cautiously down the 500 stairs to get to the clothing-optional beach. Here are some of the things (hee) I saw and did:
-The most gorgeous man in the entire world was there looking tanned and tall and dreamy. He took off his short and laid down, putting a shirt over his face to keep from the sun. I had to nearly tie myself to a log to keep from straddling him.
-At the entrance to the beach stood a skinny, 62 year old hippie man who looked like he toured with the Grateful Dead. He was standing there, one hand holding a sign that read, "40 Years" while the other hand scratched his ass.
-While there are naked people all over the beach there are always only a few that decide to stroll along the waters edge. These are the showboat nudes. The only problem is, is that they do not have showboat bodies. But, I do give props to the old dude with the giant round belly promenading around today. I guess a perfectly spherical belly IS something to be proud of.
-I do wonder what the naked people at the beach do for a living. I am sure many of them own headshops, serve drinks, are unemployed, or work cubicle jobs. I can't help but wonder if any of them are priests or elementary school principals.
-There is always people walking around with what I think are called, "wakeboards." If a piece of sporting goods equipment hasn't been featured in a movie I don't know what it is. Anyway, turns out these people, set the board down, take a few steps, jump on, and glide for a few feet. Normally, watching this over and over again would be boring but normally one doesn't have the opportunity to watch wakeboarding in the nude. Namely, one doesn't have the chance to be hypnotized by the flopsy pork sword dance their junk does in the process.
-There were a few gutter punk-y kids sitting around naked drinking beers. One of them had a lamb (or possibly a baby goat) on a string. This prompted an old naked dude to start yelling, "Fuck you!" at the punks and mumbling to everyone else later about how lambs shouldn't be kept as pets.
Other than all of the above I pretty much just sat there with my exotically white calves exposed from my rolled up jeans writing letters to my aunt and reading about Julia Child and all of the food she ate in France. I do wonder though what my aunt will think when she reads my letter that describes the abundance of old naked men in my neighborhood. That'll give her something to share over fruit salad at the Ladies Bible Study.
Tonight after dinner I went with my geeky friend to the videostore. He is the type of person who when he spends 9.99 to rent unlimited movies for a month will go in EVERY DAY at least once a day. Anyway, tonight, in an effort to avoid working on my thesis and to get out of my room, I went along with him. When we were in the store I wondered aloud a couple times whether or not this particular store carried a certain movie and he could tell me with 100% accuracy and without looking if they did.
When we approached the counter the teenage boy working made a remark like, "Ohh, you again." My friend proudly announced to him that he had gotten me to come along and that I had agreed to get a 9.99 a month deal. The guy behind the counter made a show of high-fiving my friend. After we left I realized that they probably never expected that the guy who rents at least a movie a day would ever bring a girl in. I may be moviestore gossip for the next few days. I am sure they will all try to guess what the hell I look like and be pretty accurate in their assumptions.
Tip of the Day: Deli meat IS a drug. Get addicted. And then get the butcher's number.
-Canadian Castaway
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