Day 359
If I were the type of person to cry over my day I would be in tears. For the first time I realized that maybe I should drop out of the writing program. I am not sure if it was the wine or the way that I get treated or the fact that everything I write lately is shit and I am turning out like my dad (super negative and doesn't do much). I guess it doesn't really matter. Things kinda suck right now. The crazy thing though is that I cannot ever let myself get way down in the doldrums currents. I know that I am (relatively) healthy, I have people who care about me, and other good things in my life but sometimes I want to scream out all of the things that suck. Doing that would make me seem ungrateful and if there is one thing I learned from childhood is that being ungrateful is one of the worst things you can do. Which is why this blog entry is going to be super short, well, that and the fact that my cursor keeps jumping around like a little bastard. If I could I would shoot Windows Vista right in the eye.
I pretty much spent the day feeling guilty for not writing, trying to write, having it suck, and then checking Facebook and my emails. So, I pretty much spent the day doubting myself and hating everything except those tiny moments when someone would post something on my Facebook wall. It's sick. But here's the thing, those moments don't last and happiness doesn't come from Wall Posts. Damnit.
Tonight at supper I laughed when my friend re-told me the story about how the people in the building I live in don't really respect me. She once got into a fight with them when they told her, when I wasn't around, that she was crazy to be my friend. They may have been joking I told her. She told me that she gave them an earful about how I am a super caring person with a kind heart. Once again tonight these people proved that my friend was right, they are assholes. I brought two of them, one was the guy I have a crush on but have been denying having a crush so as to make it work out. (Fuck that, that is ridiculous) The other was a "friend" of mine from the building who, while we were waiting at the bus stop, got all friendly with an asshole from the building and then kept saying to just forget everything I said and not listen to me. Wow, maybe she didn't hear the speech about me being a kind-hearted person.
Okay, seriously that is all I got. Let's hope tomorrow is better. Tomorrow, when I avoid the assholes in my building and focus only on the people who see the kindness in me and turn to my writing projects with a fresh start. And, I tell my father, "Happy Birthday" and think about how I am like him, in good ways, not bad.
Tip of the Day: Wine doesn't help anything. Change helps.
-Canadian Castaway
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