Day 360
Watching "Say Yes to the Dress" is depressing on so many levels. Not only does it remind me that I am probably never getting married and may very well turn out to be one of those people they find decayed on the kitchen floor of my one bedroom shithole apartment with a drippy faucet, it also makes me feel like shit for wasting my time watching it. Not only am I witnessing that there are people in this world who spend 5,000 bucks on a wedding dress after having watched it I spend way too much time analyzing what these peoples lives must be like.
Okay, it's time to come clean: I am disgusting. The other day I bought a stick of chorizo, ate half of it and when I got home I put the remaining half in the fridge. Now when I open the fridge it smells like glorious meat and I never want it to stop smelling the deliciousness. Does this mean instead of putting baking soda in my fridge I am going to need to be replacing a sausage every week or so to keep up with it? Maybe I have found an untapped market. Maybe it's time to debut my meat perfume...
The majority of my day was spent at work. It was super busy and I had tons of tables and made quite a whackload (Canadian for: a lot) of tips. After I tipped out the bartender for his help he said that he was "curious" about how I tipped him. This conversation pretty much turned into a rant about how he thought I should give him more money. Then he jokingly (yeah right) said that he was glad I am not working next Wednesday when he is working. I really wish I didn't care about this whole thing. If once I could sincerely go through life ACTUALLY not giving a damn what other people thought about me that would be spectacular. I try not to show it but sometimes I care. The biggest waste of time in my life is bothering to read other peoples subtext.
When I got home I got the following text message from my mother: "IM REALY DISAPOINTED IN YOU AND (MY BROTHER'S NAME) NEITHER OF YOU CALLED YOUR DAD ON HIS BIRTHDAY." Not only does the bartender, whom I'd kinda like to be friends with think I am an asshole, my entire family thinks I am an asshole. And now I too am starting to think I am an asshole too. So, for my latest project and because I have experienced and gotten hung up on too many people being assholes I am going to try to live my life as though I wasn't an asshole and maybe, one day, it will happen. One day I will wake up in the morning and no one will be an asshole and everyone will wish their fathers Happy Birthday before 11:30 pm. I think I will get started by doing a good deed. Wait, do you have to actually interact with people if you are doing a good deed for them? Maybe I will just invent a pill to stop the assholedom and maybe I will call it ecstacy. Even if that doesn't work my brother's still an asshole so I will have some company.
My neighbor, one of the only pseudo-non-assholes around, is leaving tomorrow for a trip and has left me in charge of her dying plant, her more lively plants and her guinea pig. I wonder if I can keep any of them alive. Perhaps this is a good deed. Now, if only I can stop being a selfish asshole long enough to take care of her wild kingdom. I will do my best. That little, bite-y beast had better not bite me. The way my life has been going I expect the dying plant to be the only thing alive when the week is through. Updates to come...
Tip of the Day: Sometimes you have to hideout and think about eating bacon sandwiches and other things that are important.
-Canadian Castaway
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