Day 341
I made it back to Canada today. It only took about 12 hours as I decided that it would be cheaper to fly and then take a bus and then take a cab. It wasn't. And now I am exhausted. Not only did I find out that there is a training session I am supposed to be at at the pub that I used to work for and am going back to, I also was supposed to work today at the Post Office. I guess I would care more if that job didn't make me want to get a sawed-off shotgun and it wasn't my last week. Regardless, I am an extremely tired fuck up so here is a quick version of the travels I went on today.
The Plane:
-The gate changed and no one announced it so I was looking out the window and at the empty gate area thinking, "Awesome, I am so going to have a row to myself." I looked to the other side of the terminal to see a horde of people boarding and thought, "That sucks for them! Suckers!" That was my line.
-In order to catch my bus I thought it would be wise to get a seat in the front of the plane. I went up to the counter to get my seat changed and the staff informed me that the plane was overbooked and there was absolutely not way that I would be able to change seats. Then they added, "Unless you want to sit on someones lap." I said, "Do I get to choose the lap?" Apparently, this wasn't funny to them and I hadn't really intended it to be, I was serious.
-The old guy next to me wearing short-shorts fell asleep and started snoring and then he elbowed me in the side in his sleep but I couldn't bring myself to wake him up.
-Being as the lap policy was a no go I had to wait until row 45 unboarded. I made sure to whine to my neighbors about it, curse under my breath, and even call my mother to bitch about how I may not make the bus. I did all this even though I could catch the next bus without issue, well, except that I would have to wait 3 hours. Looking back on it I realize that I am the same kid who cried at her own birthday party when she didn't win pin the tail on the motherfucking donkey. Damnit that elusive ass that never leaves me.
The Bus:
-So, after running through the terminal, finding out my pants fall down when I run, and gathering my bag I raced to the bus. And, not only did I make the bus I was greeted with a smile from the hottest guy I have seen in a long time. Then I tried to joke with the bus driver who didn't like jokes or me or both. Then I asked him if I could get off on a certain stop and he didn't answer my question.
-The bus smelled like piss. You'd think I would expect this but I never do. But, it was a good way to talk to the hot guy. "Does it smell in here or is it just me?" Fuck, he could've thought I meant that I smelled! No wonder we didn't really chat.
-So, I am a creeper. Not only did I watch the hot guy sleep, I took a sneak photo of him with my cellphone camera. I did feel kinda bad about it but then again I am sure everyone has taken a sneak photo, right?
The Cab:
-The cab was boring except when I was trying to decipher what the cabbie was singing to himself (no fucking idea), when he was reading while driving. It was also mildly entertaining when he pretended to know where he was going and wound up getting directions from me because he couldn't use his GPS.
Home:
Wow, I am calling Canada home, weird. I went to supper for the first time in nearly a month. Turns out there was no room for me at anyones table so I sat alone, until the French girl joined me. Then a guy sat down who smells nasty like years of BO and he is kinda pervy. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say to me due to his accent and he seemed genuinely frustrated. So, in my post-traveling stupor, I sort of sucked up to him to make him less mad. It must be horribly frustrating to have English as your second or third language and to be unable to communicate or think someone is making fun of you (which for the first time in a long time I wasn't trying to be mean). Then he grinned at me and told me he was a vampire and wanted to bite my neck. Now I am really not sure what the hell is going on. What if he really is a vampire? More importantly, what if he thinks I am hitting on him and will now sit by me and try to talk to me all the time? What if I am incredibly vain?
Tip of the Day: Just because they are running a marathon of reality shows doesn't mean that you are in shape for a long term commitment, it takes training and focus.
-Canadian Castaway
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