Day 357
Today at breakfast, just like every other day when I drag my dead ass to breakfast wearing too much eye makeup, I read the horoscopes. It's not just me who wants to read the horoscopes anymore. Everyone wants to see what the alleged stars have planned for their day. It has gotten to the point where I know everyone by their zodiac sign and not there name. Today one of my new neighbors asked me what his sign meant and I told him, "A Capricorn is kind but also kind of a push over." On the walk back to my room I thought about what I had said and laughed to myself and then realized why I don't have a boyfriend. But, if my prediction is right and he IS a pushover HE could be my boyfriend.
So this morning I decided to get an attitude change. I decided that instead of being afraid of writing my script for my thesis that I was just going to start writing it. I know this sounds ridiculous. Anyway, I went to the library and snooped around the bottom floor, vaguely looking for signs of the gloryhole I read so much about on Craigslist. I didn't find it, once again. But, I did sit down and hammer out a vague outline for my show in one of the library carrels on a classier floor while listening to Owl City and hating the fact that other people were in the library. The bitch of it is though is that if there were no people in the library there would be no chance of their being a mysterious gloryhole that I can search for.
This afternoon a computer-y friend of mine went with me to look at Macs. For the longest time I have wanted one, mostly because I hear they start up without taking three days or having to be kicked. Fucking Vista. Also, I want one so that I don't have to panic about viruses all the time. Who knew that being a hypochondriac in real life leads to hypochondria toward your PC? Anyway, as my friend was telling me a bunch of boring stuff about computers I decided to try and type on a Mac. This was how I ended up with an HP--the type test. I typed on the MacBook Pro. "Nope, can't do it," I declared. My friend stopped his lecture and asked what was the matter. "The keys are too damn far apart and my fingers would have to stretch and it would be too much work, forget it. Let's go buy a planner." Guess, I'm not getting a Mac ever and I am doomed to have lazy typing fingers and waste years of my life watching my computer start up. Oh well, at least the viruses will give me something to worry about.
Tonight at supper I sat next to a guy from Denmark and we started talking about Legos and despite my brother having tons of them when we were kids and the fact that it has always been my personal dream to have a Lego pirate shit built for me I didn't know that they came from Denmark. I asked the Dane if he had been to LegoLand in Mall of America. He said he hadn't been but he'd been to the original LegoLand in Denmark. I then told him about my glacier theory.
Back when I was in the first grade we learned about the existence of glaciers and what they did to shape our world. But, I didn't buy into it, the 7 year old version of myself declared to the class that I didn't believe in glaciers. I didn't believe in them based on the fact that they were too hard to comprehend existing sheerly based on their size AND, more importantly, I had never seen one. Funny, I didn't also apply this thought process to Santa Claus. So, after I told the Dane this entire tale I added, "And therefore, I do not believe in this allegedly original LegoLand."
I just read an article on my favorite news source: yahoo.ca news. Usually, I read the articles because they have such ridiculous titles or pictures of goofy-looking aliens. Today's article was all about how to attract the attention of a man while you are out. It was seriously 8 tips on how to get him to come and talk to you. The tips included things like: smiling (at babies and children), dressing down, being alone, being really into whatever you are doing, going to libraries, and the biggest tip of all, don't expect anything.
The best part of this article though was reading the comments that were written to the author, keep in mind that each of these comments has a button that says, "Report Abuse" next to it. Here are my favorites:
"You like those under 23 guys don't you, you cougar!"
"Sorry but dressing down is definitely WRONG!"
"Color your Life @ Home & Office www.PhotcoArt.com."
And, my favorite: "lift your dress and show him your snapper."
Tip of the Day: Use the word "snapper" waaaaay more often.
-Canadian Castaway
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