Hotness

Day 355

And today's main excuse for not getting much done is...the weather? Okay so I am sure it was the weather because the fact that the only huge thing I have to talk about is the weather is evidence that it is messing with my head OR that I have really become that boring and unoriginal. But, it did prompt a guy on the bus to trade seats with me so that I would be out of the sun and we had a five minute conversation which then prompted 20 minutes of sweating next to each other in silence. Similar to picking up a one night stand in so many ways.

This morning I went out to meet a friend of mine in the only part of this city that feels like it is full of real people instead of yuppies. We went to an Italian deli counter and I had my first Italian sandwich. It was the most amazing thing ever, it was dripping with oil and vinegar and had an inch and a half of meat. If this is what being Italian is all about, sign me up. I swear I could learn the gesturing while I speak. Wait, is that racist?

The friend I hung out with today is a fellow writer, a successful one at that. And there we were two, pasty whities who normally sit in rooms attempting to write, out for a stroll in the heat. If it weren't for the sandwiches and ice pops I think we may have died. We aren't built for this kind of activity. Going outside for a lot of writers IS an extreme sport.

After the awkward silence with the stranger on the bus (see above) I got off the bus to rent a movie and when I stood up my jeans were soaked through and like the geriatric dementia-riddled 26 year old that I am I wondered, 'Did I piss myself? I honestly can't remember." I made it into the videostore where I realized that I am an annoying customer. I am one of those people who talk to videostore clerks about obscure documentaries for way longer than socially appropriate luckily I know better than to sit down with them and watch the films that they watch behind the counter but I have thought of it.

Other than my mother hanging up on me because I was too much of an asshole to talk to due to the heat I went to dinner this evening and a couple ridiculous things happened:

-One of the people at my table declared that the girl sitting next to me was to act as my older sister and hate all of my boyfriends. When I pointed out that I hadn't had any boyfriends lately he suggested my "older sister" set me up. Naturally, my older sister cannot hardly speak English and thus pointed to the boy next to me. A boy who has asked me out before and I have said no to. I looked at him and jokingly said, "I might have to date you." He didn't find this funny and left within minutes, silently.

-My new neighbor was sitting on the opposite end of the table from me and all of the people around him finished up their meals and left. I looked over and he looked so blonde and alone and like an idiot instead of just saying hello I said something ridiculous like, "Whoa, what the hell is wrong with you?!" It is really a miracle people talk to me. Maybe they just do it because they know I am not going away.

-The doctor-y guy on the other side of me said that in the past year he's done all sorts of crazy shit. To which I responded, "Oh yeah? Like what? Name just one crazy thing you've done this past year." "I have resuscitated people, that's pretty crazy." That shut me up, completely. Well, until I looked over at him and said that it is kinda like he has super powers and asked him if he wore a cape.

-The same doctor-y guy told me that the last two girls he asked out on dates turned out to be lesbians. Then he told me that he was looking for a group of lesbians to hang out with. I told him we'd get horses and lassos and go out and round up a few lesbians. Then he started speaking in a realistic cowboy accent. I think I may be in love. If only I was a lesbian he'd ask me out.

As much as I love my country I could never be president. For one, there are several people who know my real identity and this blog I am sure is not diplomatic in any sense. But, Americans respect humor and sometimes this blog may possibly border on funny OR the mere thought of me writing it is so pathetic it's hilarious. For two, I have done drugs. But, who hasn't, just look at the presidents of old it's practically tradition or a prerequisite. For three, too many people hate me. Wait, nevermind that may work out. It has been proven again and again that people hate the president. Wow, I guess I COULD be president.

Tip of the Day: Don't buy the licorice candy at the Italian: deli, even the not-so-hardcore kind unless you are more than experienced in the ways of licorice consumption.

-Canadian Castaway