Day 377

This morning I was gabbing with my friends in Chicago. One told me about an upcoming date on chat. I called the other friend in Chicago who was telling me all about how ridiculous his orientation at his new school was. It was then that I looked in my planner only to realize that I was supposed to be at an orientation myself--an orientation that had already been going for 35 minutes. The best part was that I got there super late and without coffee but I the only available seat was between the two hottest people associated with my program. Even better was when one of the hotties turned to me and said in a hungover voice, "What's up?"

After the orientation meeting I ran back to my room to stop my hair straightener from burning down my building. Sidenote: Tonight I saw a Norwegian friend of mine and I asked him what he was carrying in the bag in his hand and he said, "Gasoline." I asked him if he was on the lookout to burn down a church. He said he was. Anyway, so I went to class this afternoon only to find out that I am the naughtiest girl there. But, the dumbest girl in the program was also there and the entire legion of gay men were there as well. Looks like this will be a class I will not be dropping. Although I am worried that the girl with the lipstick-shaped pen will outdo me in the comedy of the scripts we will write. Oh well at least I am still the naughtiest and not the dumbest.

A friend came over for dinner tonight. The last time she came over no one from my building sat by us and we both joked that it was because everyone thought we must certainly be on a lesbian date. This time she came over for dinner we deliberately sat far away and on our own to further create suspicion. But, this didn't quite work. Even though we were clearly not engaged with talking to anyone AT ALL this older man came and sat down and started to talk to us. Luckily my friend isn't a jerk like me and wasn't rude to him as I would have been had she not been there to buffer. She is no angel though, after dinner she laid in my bed and farted for an hour. Shit, even if I were a lesbian I wouldn't date that gassy bitch.

I just spent the last hour freaking myself out looking up "itchy red bumps skin rash" online. Do you have any idea how many skin rashes involved itchy red bumps? Holy frakking shit and some of them are terrifying. And damn Google to be Satan's asshole cleaner for having Google Image be so easy to use. Just the other night people I know (my idiot friends) looked up "anal piercing" on there and Google image had a plethora of ringed buttholes. I guess this technology makes life better?

I am also on the hating Kevin Pollack wagon. Why the hell does he talk to my favorite people for 2 hours at a stretch? Doesn't he realize I am supposed to do stuff with my time?

I want to formally apologize for my blog sucking lately. What can I say? I suck sometimes. I will try to do better but feel a torrent of excuses coming on before conditions change much. But, if you are bored you can always look up skin diseases on the internet and think you have them.

Tip of the Day: Don't look up skin conditions on the internet it will just make you insane.

-Canadian Castaway