Day 375

Today it was Labo(u)r Day in both of the countries I have lived in. Naturally, I spent it watching television and picking my butt. I didn't even feel all that bad about it (okay, so I blamed it on my Aunt Flo and the rain). I didn't feel that bad anyway until I Skyped with my little brother. Who after he'd spoken his piece about how he fell in love with a Canadian girl and wanted to ditch our family to join a Peruvian family said to me, "So, you been writing all day then?" Despite this coming from a guy who has probably spent the last 5 hours drinking beer and playing videogames made me feel like shit.

Maybe one day when I am being interviewed by Kevin Pollack and he says, "Back in your last year of grad school you really had a boost in your productivity levels why is that? What happened?" I will respond, "Well Kevin, my brother pointed out that I wasn't doing anything with my life and it made me feel shitty." Then Kevin will laugh and I will be forced to laugh a little but deep down know that I owe my success to my brother calling me out on being a lazy butt scratching loser.

After an entire day spent indoors and alone I ventured out to supper in the dining hall of my residence. This being the first week of school means that there are tons of new people. Me, being a butt scratching idiot loser, didn't realize that this means there will be an overwhelming amount of people at dinner. Turns out my mother is right, I am an asshole. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to pull the flesh of my salmon from the scales in peace. Damn, I hate when mother is right. But, she IS right and I have vowed to myself to stop being such a jerk. Perhaps there is a youtube how-to video to give me tips on how to be nice. Pause. I just youtubed "how to be nice to people" and a Henry Rollins rant came up. Guess, I will remain a jerk but damn I miss listening to Black Flag.

It's really hard having crushes especially if those crushes are on celebrities. I am not just talking about the fact that you may never even be in the position to talk to them or even have them look at you. No. I am talking about the fact that if you have a crush on a non-celebrity you can stalk them online and it only takes like ten minutes to sift through the few photos of them on their Facebook pages. But, when you have a crush on a celebrity and go stalking (that is what you do with a crush, right, stalk them online) it can take days just to go through the first hundred hits you get, let alone the interviews, fansites, Twitter accounts and gossip rags. But damnit all if I can't find two hotter men in the world than Craig Ferguson and Seth MacFarlane. A girl has gotta have standards and apparently, no life at all so she can stalk celebrities online.

I spent the last few hours of my life watching my crushes speak on the Kevin Pollack chat show. I must say it is wonderful that you no longer have to watch 5 minute random interviews with your crushes and wish that they lasted longer. But, it's like they (whoever the fuck that means) say, Be careful what you wish for... After watching Seth MacFarlane I was more in love than ever. After I realized that two hours of my life had gone by without me writing anything (again) I was not so grateful for the two hour video of him talking and drinking and looking classically handsome. But, I might watch it again...tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, school starts tomorrow. I even have a class to attend. But, sadly, instead of being able to go out for drinks afterward I have to work at the pub serving those drinks to my drunken friends. But then again, there is something nice about being paid to hang out with your friends and I can get wacky on Monster energy drinks. Anyway, I am excited about this year of learning. Am I worried that it will cut into my Family Guy marathon-watching time? Signs point to yes. Do I have a new outfit to wear to school? Very doubtful. Do I even know where my first class is going to be held? Ask again later. Will I survive? Concentrate and ask again.

All I know for sure is that I may have to cut back a little on the blogging. Hopefully that means that all of the shitty parts of this blog will be gone and only the insightful thoughts about the human condition will remain to inspire future generations. Who am I kidding? I don't think I can even define the word "insightful" but I certainly can define the word "shit." Who knows what will happen to this blog. I just hope that I will be too busy to bitch about how I am an asshole. I don't really care if I am or am not an asshole I just want to be too busy to drone about it. Hopefully that is what school can do for me. Does that mean I will ever stop being a butt scratching loser? It is decidedly so.

Well, time for my beauty rest. If rest made people beautiful the most beautiful people wouldn't be awake to enjoy the glory of it. I think I'd rather be the ugly and wakeful.

Tip of the Day: Do something.

-Canadian Castaway