Day 372

This blog comes to you from my secret hideout. My secret hideout is a place I go to because nobody (except two guys I sort of have crushes on) knows where it is and cannot find me here. Do I sound like a crazy person yet? Just wait...

This morning I woke up and had to go straight back to the pub to work. When I got there I found out that I was stuck with four new people and was expected to train and help out. Luckily, they sort of knew what they were doing and for at least most of the time they seemed sane and kind. And by "most of the time" I am specifically talking about the time when the girl I was training was like, "Oh, you study Creative Writing. I had a friend who studied Creative Writing. You know what she's doing now? She's managing a Starbucks. Isn't that what you do if you study Creative Writing?" Or the awkward moment when the guy I was training said, "I'd like to teach English in maybe Korea or Japan when I am done with my degree. I don't like China because I don't like Communism."

Anyway, while I was there I had a pack of law students to wait on. And by "a pack of law students" I mean a table that started out with four and grew to 14. Not only were they huge alcoholics, they were the snobby, mean variety of alcoholics not the fun-loving kind. They were so nasty that when we put gratuity on their check because they were a party of 10 or more they all had private debates with me about why they thought it was unfair. And they weren't the fun sort of debate where you say your piece and then listen to what the other person has to say and then move on. They were the type of debates where my, "Well, it's policy and it's to protect that the servers get tipped. It's maybe not so much for you guys as for the 19 year olds who come in here" wasn't heard at all. They sort of make me want to become rich just so that I can prove to that there are high profile people who can be kind. Also, if I were rich enough I could find someone to torch their houses or cut the brake lines in their BMWs.

If I am not in a shitty enough mood I have to be reminded via how everyone updates their friggin Facebook status that I am the ONLY FUCKING PERSON on the planet that doesn't have an iPhone. Also, I have to confront the fact that there are tons of my Facebook friends who are sooo fricking happy and lovey dovey about their impending weddings and I have grown into the type of person who is hateful at other people's happiness. This just a reminder that I have not yet blossomed into the type of person who isn't jealous, ever, and goes out and makes their own life instead of thinking everyone else has it better. I wonder if the secret to that is drugs or denial?

And as an added bonus my mother, even though I told her this evening that I wish she was here to hug me and play cards with me said, "I have to finish eating my pizza now and I need two hands to do it. I'll call you later!" I am going to blame her for me turning into a narcissistic asshole.

Right now, I think I'll pop some pills, eat some cheesecorn and wait to see if my creepy horoscope comes true. Here is an excerpt:

"You need to pay attention to your dreams -- more than you usually do, anyway! Your great spiritual energy makes you a conduit to something much deeper, and the messages come at night."

"...the messages come at night" Seriously? If I have it my way a bottle of wine will knock me out and I won't have to go to bed and witness the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and especially not my Starbucks future (that little fucking cunt).

Tip of the Day: Don't call mother.

-Canadian Castaway