Day 312
Today I basically didn't leave my room until mid-afternoon and even then I just went upstairs to my neighbor's place. She invited me in and we gabbed for awhile about her joining a dating site for the first time. She showed me a pic of a really nice guy that she went out with the other day. Then we searched around and read people's profiles and judged them. Turns out out of the 35 guys we looked at I wouldn't have dated any of them. At first I found this funny.
I told my neighbor about this guy who I have a crush on and how I am trying to not make it a big deal and how he is so nice and everything. Immediately she started to stalk him online and came up with nothing. We gabbed for awhile longer and looked up our zodiac charts. After awhile I thought I had over-stayed my welcome but she genuinely said she wanted me around. So we bullshitted some more and laughed at how ridiculous Aries and Leo people are. I told her my dad is a Leo and my mother an Aries and we laughed some more. I told her how I am strongly attracted to all Aquarians. And for awhile I didn't feel completely ridiculous for believing in the zodiac. Then we gushed about how I could ask out my crush.
Finally, I left her room, checked my email and went to supper. She and I ended up on opposite sides of the same table. She made a noise and flipped her eyes. I looked over and saw my crush coming into the dining hall and my neighbor and I exchanged a smile. When he sat down near me sure enough he did that thing where he laughs at my jokes just like I had told my neighbor he would. I couldn't look him in the eye but he laughed. And then, after a lull in the laughter, he turned to his seatmate and asked him to help him break up with his psycho girlfriend. I began to eavesdrop and found out that my crush has a girlfriend that he is too chicken shit to break up with because he is afraid of her. I didn't make any more jokes after that or laugh when I overheard him try to joke, "Good man, I'm glad you are backing up I wouldn't want to wind up in emergency."
I am past the point of being bitter now I am just really baffled that anybody finds anybody in this entire world worth seeing. For something that is allegedly so rare how come so many people are dating and in happy coupledom? I am not going to go saying, "What's wrong with me?" or blame everyone else for being undesirable anymore. I am not really sure what I am going to do. I am starting to think I should dress in all black and go to videostores everywhere and re-label the Romantic Comedy sections as Fantasy. But in reality, despite every single guy not being what I want and probably because of my sick obsession with romantic comedies from the 80s I still believe that love is possible, I've just added a "not probable" to it. Who can deny it would be nice to have someone to sing The Cure's Love Song to and mean it?
Tonight my parents called me from a grassy area next to a gas station and asked me if I would like them to "ooh and ahh" into the phone when the fireworks went off. And tonight when I scrolled through my facebook updates I noticed that many people had drunken patriotic messages and pictures of fireworks. Turns out the pictures and the phone calls aren't as good as the real thing. And I can't deny, especially with my newfound (and freakish) patriotism, that I wouldn't have minded looking up into the sky waiting for the big boomers.
So, tonight I will go to sleep thinking about my upcoming visit to my friends in Chicago and then off to my home state. It will be really nice to see my grandmother again, I wonder if I'll have to introduce myself. I wonder if Chicago still sucks. I wonder if staying with my best friend for five days will bring us closer as friends or closer to homicide. I wonder if going home will teach me more about myself or just make me fear moving home. But mostly I wonder how many different kinds of meat my mother will lovingly prepare for me and how many bottles of tequila we will kill together.
Tip of the Day: Reading is a good idea.
-Canadian Castaway
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