Day 290
Instead of going to my secret blogging location I am in my room with my visitors which includes a six year old who is about to go to bed. The best part though is that as I write this account of my daily happenings she too is writing in her journal. Actually, this evening her mom told me that her favorite bands are The Ramones and The Beastie Boys. After her mother and I stepped out for a bit, we came back to find her hard at writing the account of her day. I am starting to wonder if this kid is mine. I wonder if they even give maternity tests. Hey, if they did then we would all know if Jesus really existed.
Anyway, the big event today was going to the aquarium. But the least of the day was looking at exotic fish. When we got there we were bombarded by a woman who is the wrangler for the man who takes everyone's picture on the way in. My friend said, "No thank you" and was met with a, "But, it's fun!" Then, as we went up to pay, a family cut me off. I got to the counter and the girl behind it said, "I saw that." I responded, "What?" "The face you just made."
Two major things were my favorite part of the aquarium adventure:
1. The fact that my friend and I took pictures of not only the fish, but of the funny-looking people. The first was the big, fat crazed-looking old woman in a tiny cowboy hat. The second was a freakishly tall high school girl in ridiculous socks and with extra long, extra blonde pigtails. The third, and my favorite, was the pic I took of a woman's horrible tattoo of a horse.
2. While we awaited the beginning of the dolphin show many people tried to squeeze in to get a view. We secured a spot for my friend's kid, my friend, and a second row spot for me. When my friend suggested I try to stand on the bench behind where we were I gave it a shot. When I returned, just seconds later, an older couple had taken my spot. My friend tried to get me back into my position. The couple didn't budge. I went out for a minute and looked for a new spot and came back to find them still there. I stood behind the thieving couple and noted, a little loudly, to my friend, "Everyone is so goddamn rude before a dolphin show." My friend retorted something to the same effect and just a few seconds later the couple left.
After the aquarium my friend decided that we should walk through the woods. Seeing as she came all this way to see me I went along with it. But, just after getting a few yards into the wilderness I couldn't help but start bitching just a little bit. I even confessed to hating nature. The bad part was that the six year old started taking my side. I quit complaining for awhile but, when I couldn't hold it in any longer and the kid echoed my sentiment. I think karma put the little thicket in the way of the path we had to walk through for inadvertently making a child hate the woods.
This afternoon we drove forever (and past 200 naked people riding bikes) to get to a Greek restaurant only to find that it was too expensive for us to eat at, luckily though, there was a cheaper Greek deli right next door. The only drawbacks being that the woman who took our orders looked so annoyed at having us come in to eat that she threw down my change and our gyros took nearly a half hour to make. I am not really sure if this a typical behavior for a deli. In the U.S. the deli serves as a quick and cheap place to eat, emphasis on quick. I wonder if the deli employees hold some sort of alliance with the freakishly slow employees who work supermarket checkouts in Canada.
Finally, we made it to the beach to take more pictures of funny-looking people. People like the wrinkled old man wearing only swim trunks. Or, the kid next to us that was buried in sand the entire time we were there. Or, the Asian couple who were both wearing fedoras. And the young couple who had the following conversation while walking down the beach with his hand groping her ass:
Him: This is a great first date.
Her: ...
Him: What was your name again?
Her: ...
The other highlight of the beach was me getting splinters from the log we were leaning against. Including one splinter in my hand and one in my ass. This evening when my friend and I were sitting outside I was attacked by a plant hanging behind the bench I was sitting on and when we moved to another location my friend said, "There is a spider right above your head." I am not convinced that I hate nature, I am convinced that nature hates me.
Tip of the Day: Getting a six year old to give you some space at the beach is easy, all you have to do is say, "Go get me some shells, from way over there."
-Canadian Castaway
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