Day 293
I finally made it to work on time today and it sucked. Little did I know that spending my shift kissing up is much better than spending it actually working. Seriously, the Post Office must be a circle of hell, you know, the one with the neverending line up on assholes coming at you wielding objects that can give you papercuts. I am pretty sure that my co-worker who helped the same customer for an hour and left me to sink with the asshole invasion is the devil of this hell. She is the one that my crazy boss hates. I never understood my boss's irritation until today. Here is just a sampling of things I hated about from the past two days:
1.She is constantly in my way even when she moves to get out of my way she is in my way.
2. She has a large forehead, which is fine, but she tries to hide it with wispy awkward bangs.
3. She avoids work more than I do.
4. She leaves parcels everywhere and expects everyone else to put them away.
5. She wore an animal-print button-down shirt today that was too short and too square in the shoulders.
6. She gets in a car accident and still runs and complains that she doesn't have time to go to physical therapy.
7. Sometimes she eats pizza. That would be fine except she is addicted to garlic sauce.
But, I'm not one to bitch or say anything bad about people.
I went to the coffeeshop after work to get some work done. The coffeeshop where the owner never really acknowledges the fact that he recognizes me from my daily visits. I have been moping around the past few days wishing that he'd notice me more and at least say hello. When I was leaving tonight he was sitting outside with his kid and wife. In my tradition of being super polite I was just about to say, "Thank you" to him when his wife piped up way to loudly, "Goodbye! Goodbye!" Now, I hate to be picky but, why couldn't I be greeted with as much enthusiasm as I got when people see me leave?
Tonight I said, "My computer is full of cookies!" I never thought I'd have those words come out of my mouth unless there were crumbs everywhere. Seriously, why the hell are they called cookies and not trackers? I asked my friend why I have cookies and she told me I had been looking at too many porn sites. My response, "No, not lately." Anyway, this whole cookie thing gives me an idea. Cookie Monster could still be addicted to cookies as long as they were virtual cookies, right?
I had to work my setup crew job tonight and while me and my co-workers were moving around tables we discovered something. We discovered a table in the dining hall that had other tables put behind it to block the window glass and had newspapers stacked neatly underneath it and a table cloth draped over it. My co-workers thought this was kind of peculiar until we realized that someone may have slept there last night. This wouldn't be so alarming except that I was the one doing the rounds last night. When I had my staredown with the raccoon last night I was standing so close to this sleeping fort that if the person or persons were already inside they could've reached out and grabbed my ankle. What's worse though, is that if they were already there when I was doing my rounds it would prove yet again how incompetent I am at working my jobs.
Okay so I just got back from tonight's security rounds. I went with another person from the building in case I should encounter the sleepers again. Turns out that one of the main doors that was supposed to be secured was openable despite the red light being on saying it was secure. When we called security they said they'd send out a guy who would be there within 5 minutes and they gave me the number to call for a 24 hour maintenance guy on campus who could fix the door. Two different maintenance guys showed up before the one security guy showed up (20 minutes after we called).
One maintenance guy and I looked at the door only to realize that the pins were flipped. He flipped them back and I laughed, thinking I should've thought of doing that. On the walk to his van I asked him, "Is the Ghostbusters backpack you are wearing part of the maintenance uniform." I laughed and then he told me that it was his tools and he had to carry it on his back because he threw his hip out. I stopped laughing.
The big security guard, myself and another set up crew member looked around to find more evidence of people having slept there. Then the security guard talked about how we should if we see anything suspicious and he would come and break people's legs and throw them off cliffs. And then his cellphone rang. His ringtone: "Boing! Boing!" Before leaving he told us to beware of coyotes and when he said it I looked into his eye and he looked like he had coyote eyes. Then he basically told us that he would run over squirrels if his co-workers didn't make him stop for them. I don't know if this security guard is making me feel secure.
Tip of the Day: Check under the tables?
-Canadian Castaway
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