Day 294
This morning I realized what life has become when myself and all of my MFA classmates got up at 8 am and went straight to our computers to register for classes. After everyone was registered everyone updated their facebook statuses saying that they had registered, after that everyone commented on each others facebook status updates, and after that most of them could be found chatting with each other about what classes they did or didn't get into. After I registered and read the status updates and the twelve comments on average trailing each update I made an update asking if anyone else noticed that we were all geeks and only got two comments on it.
In an effort to prevent my co-worker from bodily harm I told her as soon as I got in that I was totally PMSing and crabby. Apparently, to her this meant that she should act like a complete ditz, not listen to me when I was trying to tell her stuff, stand nearly touching me, slap me on the top of my ass and then look at me all psychotic when I told her to back off. On the plus side though, I got to see her craziness exhibited on a male customer today. The first victim to her ways was a guy with a baby afro. "Can I get a stamp?" he asked. "I love your hair!" she squealed. I didn't know if her hitting on him was intentional but I was bored so I competed with her and stole away his attentions by talking about 7-11 and making him laugh with this exchange:
Me: If I owned a 7-11 I could have Slurpees whenever I wanted to.
Him: And your friends could have free Slurpees too.
Me: If I had any friends.
While the weather was splendid outside I was stuck inside watching Toddlers and Tiaras. It's a good thing too as my two absolute favorite Toddlers and Tiaras moments just happened back to back.
1. A pageant mother shows up wearing a braided wig. She explains that she needs to wear the wig to get into the right persona to be creative. Damn, I wonder where I get a ridiculous wig.
2. The next shot was the woman in the wig and her young girls. She had them help out with glueing on the "jewels" to their gowns. She made a concern about being caught for child labor. Shortly after that remark she said that she was getting high from the glue they were using but was not concerned about her kids inhaling the same fumes.
Considering that I missed an extremely nice day outside when I called my mother this evening I decided to walk around the campus. Little did I remember that going outside means encountering nature. Despite the fact that I used to eat crickets when my parents left me alone in the backyard (yeah, I find the fact that they left a 4 year old in the backyard alone a little disturbing too), I used to scream when a fly came near me during those same cricket-eating days. Anyway, so here I was wandering around campus looking for things like coyotes or raccoons to attack me while trying to listen to my mother talking about how she is going to the bathroom when I came across some fluff on the freshly cut grass.
I took a closer look to see that it was fur from a skunk. I told my mother and she told me to run the hell away. But, as with most sorts of gore, it wasn't that easy and upon closer inspection I saw unidentifiable fresh organs in some of the fur and a chunk of skunk jawline. I started my walk home looking in the bushes in case the monster survived such a vicious attack and was looking to stinkbomb retaliate. Meanwhile my mother who is in another country kept saying, "Ooh, look out the animals are going to get you! Whooo." I made it all the way home without seeing a skunk, coyote, or raccoon. But, just now, I looked outside my window to see a rat the size of a football.
Tip of the Day: If you can't call your mother back because you are watching reality tv tell her that you were studying instead.
-Canadian Castaway
No comments:
Post a Comment