Day 258
This morning I did something that a younger version of myself would disagree with on a moral level. That's right, I applied for a job at Starbucks. Okay, so I applied for the job because it is on campus and my work permit has yet to be approved. But, more so, I applied for the job because my friend had told me that two hilarious men work there. Plus, there is always coffee to steal. This all would've been fine, except that it takes like 45 minutes to even apply for the job.
When you apply online for a Starbucks job you get asked all sorts of questions. At first it is like a teen magazine quiz that tells you what kind of boy you like, but the only problem is, is that it goes on forever and doesn't even tell you what kind of boy you like. Instead you need to choose the best word that fits you: Orderly or Messy, Pleasant or Annoyed. Of course the obvious choices are in there. But, when the application gives you entire scenarios where you needed to pick the option that best described how you would handle a customer who is hateful to you, that's where it gets trickier. I mean, you don't want to choose that you would ignore the customer, and you shouldn't choose that you would just brush them off on a co-worker. And, confronting them outright sounds a tad maniacal for someone who may just always be having a bad day. Going to your supervisor for tips sounds a little babyish. And saying, "Well, the customer is always right" makes you sound like a pushover. Shit, this is tough.
For lunch today I met my favorite gay male couple. We got our meals and ate and one of the two of them ran down the hill we were sitting on. His boyfriend watched him and smiled. I said, "He's cute, kind of like a baby Tyrannosaurus Rex!" His boyfriend said, "He so does. Cute! Let's just keep that our little secret though." I nodded like the toddler who is in on a secret for the first time and it is such a big deal to be trusted. Then when the baby T-rex returned his boyfriend said to him, "She thinks you look like a baby T-Rex!"
This afternoon a friend and I shared a pitcher and a pint of beer. On the way home I was instructed to pick up a 2 liter of hard cider for a friend I was meeting later in the day. I went into the nearest liquor store and asked the clerk if they had any 2 liters of cider and he said, "Umm, no. We don't carry that because of the certain kind of clientele it attracts--like, homeless men." He continued to stock the shelves and pointed me to six packs of cider. I left, feigning the excuse that I would call my friend to see what she wanted to do instead, even though I really just left because he actually said that to me. What I should've said was, "I guess I am not the right kind of clientele you are looking for!" and then smashed his overpriced six-pack of the exact same thing he told me was too trashy for his shop. I wish I had a can of Popeye's spinach with me at times like these.
I went to dinner half-lit on beer. Now, I never want to go to dinner sober again, it's not nearly as exciting. Though, I could've done without the guy sitting next to me begging me to point out the hottest girls in my rez to him, or the guy across the table who said, "You seem extra happy today." Me, "That's because I am sorta drunk." Him, "That's what I thought."
When I went out with my friend and her little brother this evening they told me that when they've had a few drinks they go home and youtube cat videos. I have always hated cats, and cat people. As a child I once wielded the gun my mother used to shoot at cats, the barrel of it rose above my head, and I looked into a video camera and said, "I can't wait until I get big and I can shoot cats!" Don't get me wrong, I still want to shoot them, but after seeing what cat videos my friends were talking about there are some I could leave alive. Like the cats that belong to this giant, fat Finnish man who is sitting in a sauna, convinced that the cats that are dying on his side are enjoying themselves. There is nothing like a naked man bopping a cat on the head and saying, "Hot cat!" Cats are good for something, who knew?
Are you a cynic if you see profile pics of people with their happy parents and see that these happy family members commented on the photo about how friggin cute they are? Some would say that it could be jealousy. But, my brother and I have agreed to NEVER friend our parents. This will not be hard as my mother doesn't even know how to check her yahoo account and my father may have never even really seen a computer in his life. What's with all these smug, good-looking people and their happy families? I swear they are gonna ruin facebook for me.
Tip of the Day: Snakebites (Guinness and Strongbow) taste sour and terrible but, have a super cool name. And, if you drink enough of them you can call your friend on the way home, spread some gossip and get into a colossal fight.
-Canadian Castaway
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