Day 256
Today I woke up and began texting right away. My new girly Canada phone comes with unlimited texting and I am mega mean with a keyboard, as in seriously mean, like I'll text you to tell you that you are a bitch. Anyway, my friend (that I've called bitch many times) suggested that I come to the beach in his neighborhood. I pleaded with him that I had much work to do to appease my new thesis advisor. I took one look outside and gave in immediately, telling myself that I would do my work later and maybe a little beforehand at a coffeeshop.
On the way to the beach I took a different route to get to a bus than I normally do. I passed by places that rent for more per month than I paid for my most expensive car. On the balcony of one such place stood one of the hottest men I've ever seen in person. I called up to him,
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Is such and such street that way?"
"Yep, sure is."
"Cool."
I walked away and he smiled at me. I should really have a plan for these things. Surely there must be some sort of survival guide I can get that includes what to do when you pass a sexy man on a balcony. Maybe it's all up to me. Do I have to do everything? Wait, that's a good excuse to avoid my thesis...
Just after I walked away from one of my top five most gorgeous men I've ever met I strolled by a sidewalk cafe. Sitting outside the cafe was a couple who looked familiar. I stared at them and passed by thinking, "they look like the people who used to run the daycare my brother and I went to." The only thing was, was that they looked like those people if they were 15 years younger than what they are now. This look was not so good for them (if it even was them), her hair looked fake and his mustache was no longer long and curled on the ends like a cartoon character. I didn't go back to find out if it was them.
Today I went to the type of beach where there were no naked people and tons of kids and dogs. Here are a few highlights:
-I put my feet in the water for the first time. I looked out and saw all the shit floating in it and said, "It's dirty." Then, I commenced my David Hasselhoff impression back on the sand.
-There was a chubby woman walking towards the water wearing a swimming suit and carrying a lit cigarette in one hand and a huge McFlurry cup in the other hand and I felt like I was in a John Waters movie.
-Everyone made fun of me for having a short attention span. That sucked because what do you say when someone says that? "What?"
-There were all sorts of kids on the beach. One of them had a flower crown on. I told my friend that I wanted my own flower crown. She said, "Well, you could totally take her! Go kick her ass and get that crown!"
-Some of my friends ate special brownies while we were there. One of them said, "What smells like cheese?" And, we had 3 kinds of cheese sitting out. This may have been funny if I liked stoner humor, but I don't and it wasn't.
-My absolute favorite part of the beach outing (besides looking at the one hot man there) was when a blonde woman came by walking one of those fluffy, tiny expensive dogs that people who carry Louis Vutton purses enjoy. The dog was scrambling in the sand in front of her feet so she shouted, "Get the hell outta my way or I'll kick you!"
The two things to expect when you enter a Creative Writing Master's program: 1. Gossip 2. Drama. Just over a week ago at a party I didn't attend one of the people in my program overheard others gossiping and started to feel some sort of self-righteous moral obligation to stop talking about people their backs. She then decided to publish a ludicrious note on facebook scolding everyone and saying that we should all shut the hell up. After a day with the note on her wall, she deleted her facebook account. Ever since another friend of mine in the program and I found out about this instance we have been gossiping about how ridiculously insane the girl who is no longer on facebook is and, we've been searching to find out who was brought up in the gossip that led to her drastic preachery.
Today my friend told me that he had finally heard who the topic of the fated gossip was, and of course, it was me. Apparently, there was talk about how, if I really love someone, I am mean to them (according to the gossip). They must've been low on gossip that day if they had resorted to calling me a big meanie. The best part is that when I asked my bodyguard, the person who they were accusing me of bully loving, who/what gossip they were referring to he had no idea that anything offensive had occured. If the worst shit that is said about you behind your back is that you love people (albeit in a mean way, apparently) then you are pretty lucky I think. But, it's pretty bad when gossip you hear about yourself bores the shit outta you. The best part though, is that I made someone delete their entire facebook profile. How will I use this superpower?
There was a party tonight for all of the people that I worked with at the pub. The head bartender procured all of the beer kegs and is throwing a shindig to drink them up before they go bad, as the pub lost its liquor license awhile back. I had no real desire to go to the party (plus, I had tons of work to do on my writing project). What's weird though is that I felt guilty about not going to the party, because it would've been more interesting to blog about than talking about how I stayed home all night and listened to Skid Row and Bon Jovi while watching youtube vids wishing I had a TV.
Tip of the Day: The biggest reason to hate poetry is because sometimes the people who write it take on ridiculous names like, "Sunshine."
-Canadian Castaway
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