Day 254
Today I had to go to work at Canada Post again. Usually, it is absolute hell but, once I started faking (and sort of knowing) how to mail things it's become a tad more enjoyable. Today may have even been a little fun. Here is a sampling of the happenings at my not-so-hell job:
-Someone from my rez came in to mail things home; he is moving back to Africa. When he asked me if I knew what to put for a return address since he is not returning I told him to put me. It's funny, though, I am not so terrified of his items getting returned to me, as I am that they will not get there in the first place.
-My boss told me that I need to get a new crush.
-My boss and I went to the food court area and she got sweet-talked (in Cantonese) by the Chinese dude at the pasta bar. Apparently, he yells out to her in Cantonese that he has dreams about her, while there are Chinese people around. She thinks he's a good-looking creep. It's too bad I don't know Cantonese. I could work some magic here.
-I was supposed to assemble a display. This involved me and a pile of cardboard pieces that I was supposed to build into something presentable. While I looked at the diagram-only directions, I thought, "I can do this." It only took me 3 minutes to quit. Seriously, if I had any sort of building skills I would be off building Lego pirate ships right now. Goddamnit, I've always wanted a Lego pirate ship.
-A man with squinty eyes asked me how much it would be to mail his package. "Seven dollars," I read off the computer screen. "That's outrageous!" he yelled, and stomped away.
-Then there was the crazed woman in the white gloves asking me for a copy machine and a fax machine. She left in a huff after I told her to go to the copy centre in the basement of the building. Later, after I was just getting off work and stepping outside, she came charging up the stairs and outside, yelling. She was yelling things to herself like, "They are not going to harass me anymore! They aren't going to tell me I have problems!" (or some such shit) At first I was like, "Thank God, I am not that crazy, yet." Then I pulled up the hood of my hoodie and put on my huge sunglasses, in case she remembered who sent her away. The craziest part of all was that I think she actually got into a car. Do they just hand out drivers licenses like Halloween candy in this country?
I learned yet another thing about being in a Creative Writing program today. I learned that if you send a facebook message to a few people inviting them out for drinks it will turn into a 95 comment-long message. This means a few things about us as creative writers. It may mean that we spend all day playing on the internet. We are lonely. We like to bullshit about things like: cats, whales, moms, batman, moon children, algorithms, drag queens, and (sickly ironic) The Neverending Story. We are all super good at avoiding our lives and actually writing and in need of some spankings. This is all fine and wonderful, but in reality, it means deleting 95 facebook email notifications. And--because I began the madness--getting angry text messages from people who wished they had never commented on our facebook message novel. Perhaps I can use it for my thesis though.
This afternoon all of the writers were invited to do a meet and greet (eat cheese with) a famous Canadian author who may be teaching Creative Writing in the fall. I wonder if he had any idea that everyone wanted to meet him because we all saw pics of him on google image and thought he was a hottie, which he would've been had he been taller, and worn a jacket that actually fit him, and if he didn't look like he had just had a permanent and if he had longer fingers (but, I'm not picky). Anyway, we listened to his speech about how he'd love to teach at our school and blah, blah, blah, and then we all attacked the cheese trays and had awkward conversations. I am pretty sure I talked to the pretty boy author about eagle feathers for 8 minutes or so. (Yeah, I found 8 minutes of material on eagle feathers)
The most interesting part of the meet and greet was when I walked up to a teacher who I was supposed to ask, a week ago, if she would be my new advisor. I said, "I want to meet you." And, before I could say, "Will you be my new advisor? I want to do a TV thesis." she said, "You are Emily! I want to work with you. I've heard all about you." She immediately pulled me aside and told me how excited she was to work with me. She told me to watch more TV and told me that we are going to have an official meeting next Wednesday and that I should email her everything I have for my TV series sometime this weekend, oh and I should go have some fun. I nodded along and soaked up the love festival. After I left the building I wondered if she'll still love me if all I have is a whole bunch of freaky notes and a shitty pilot episode. Here's hoping tomorrow I can create something tangible but judging from my lack of pirate ship building skills, things are looking dire in the assembly of things.
Tip of the Day: Always have your camera on your windowsill, so you can capture proof that a squirrel mooned you.
-Canadian Castaway
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