Day 257
Three major events occurred today. Here they are in order of appearance:
1. I bought my very fist multi-destination plane ticket. This was exciting, especially when I tried to call my friend to tell him I would be coming by as my first stop this summer and he didn't answer. Luckily, I am a bully and told him that he'd better be around, or else. But, who really knows what "or else" really means.
2. My brother got Skype. This meant that we had our first video chat in months, since my gmail video broke down. This meant that I could watch him play Call of Duty, and look at his brand new jar of olives. While this may sound less than thrilling it sure is nice to have someone take one look at the jug your drinking out of and say, "Iced tea" instead of, "What is that?"
3. I watched Back to the Future Part 2. I don't know if it's just me getting old or what, but the opening scene with him riding the Hover Board made me dizzy. The crocheting in my lap screamed old lady. I must say that the first one was much better. But, I still want a DeLorean and Michael J. Fox in that hat and leather jacket combo was quite enticing.
Man, there is nothing like a friend who posts on facebook an article about someone who gets a horrid case of bed bugs and has to sleep on the floor all on account of storing a few things for a friend, when you have a closet full of your friends's things. I don't know who to unfriend anymore, the person who posted the article, or the friends who leave their shit for me to guard.
I made a date today to play with my niece when I get home, specifically to be the first person to show her Pee Wee's Big Adventure. This makes me feel quite honored. And, the fact that she suggested that we paint our nails while we watch the video makes me want to kidnap her and make her my own kid, until I remember how hopped up that kid can get on Skittles.
I got a wedding invitation the other day to the wedding of a good friend of mine. The invite was addressed to me, "and Guest." Obviously, I don't have a guest, Colin Farrell is shooting a film. I wonder if they were hinting that I should bring my mother. Maybe I should take the approach that many high schoolers are now taking when asking out someone to go to the prom: make a youtube video to ask someone. I wonder if Colin watches youtube. Anyway, I asked another friend of mine (my fiance in ten years) if he were bringing his girlfriend who threw such a fit the last time he brought her to town. He informed me that he guessed she'd be there. And, I started to mentally write a script to the "Farrell Accompany Me?" video. I wonder if I could weave some Bon Jovi love songs into it.
There is something absolutely hideous about people who talk about the weather, but fuck that. I am so sick of it being ridiculously nice out here. Where I come from there are about 5 days per year that are considered nice days. On those days you drop everything and frolic around like you don't have better things to do and you are happy. Here, in the Land of Nice Weather, it's nice out everyday, so the slacking off rate has gone to the point of the onset of self-loathing. But, I take no responsibility, I am blaming it on the weather and the beautiful men roaming the beach nearly naked you know the ones, all tattoos and muscles. The ones that look like they would be good to bite. Perhaps this nice weather is a gateway drug to beach peeping. I see major addictions setting in. What comes after peeping? Chasing with a giant net?
I just looked at my facebook profile to see that I updated my status 6 times today. There should be some sort of facebook policing agency that has an alarm go off in a help center when someone posts that many status updates and a death screen will go over your computer and a voice over will say, "Nobody cares. You are better than this. Go live your life!"
Tip of the Day: When you don't like your meat at dinner turn to the person sitting next to you and ask if their turkey tough too, and they will say, "That's because it's pork."
-Canadian Castaway
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