Day 225
This morning I woke up practicing a lie. This lie was more like a theatrical scene that I was starring in. You see, it was like I was reprising the role of my former self. I was the aging musician who cleaned up and got back on stage. Okay, so I am just a girl who used to call in sick to work at her library job so she could stay home and read books. During that time I made up many a detailed story about things like getting food poisoning from a specific restaurant, a specific dish, and the just inappropriate enough gory details to make it sound believeable.
Today's version of an excuse, despite it being me getting back in the game, was quite a success. I pulled the dental appointment card and through around words like, sealant and cavity and "can you do me a favor" and "I am sorry." Not only did it work, but my supervisor at the post office laughed and thought it was funny when I told her it was go to the dentist or stop eating candy before I get a cavity, "and, I can't stop eating candy." I strung her along for a good 15 minutes on improvisation alone. She bought it all and agreed to me not working early tomorrow morning. I was free until she said, "If I let you have tomorrow off then you have to come in for three shifts next week." I learned something very important here, not only is my supervisor mean to customers, but she is also very, very clever. I think I ought to stick out this shit job for awhile to observe her, or at the very least, to come up with more clever story than going to the dentist for sealants. I mean shit, I am in grad school for Creative Writing I should be able to come up with something better than that.
Tonight was the second night of the 2 day play festival of produced plays by playwrights in my program. Here is a re-cap of the highlights:
Before the show my friend came over to have dinner. We gathered our food up and sat at a table on the far end of the dining hall, as at all three of the occupied tables sat at least one person I didn't want to talk to. For the first time ever I ordered a beer in the dining hall. Turns out you can get two not-too-crappy beers for only four bucks. So there we were sitting and eating and sipping cheap beers. The dinner crowd was starting to get settled in. The line grew, people emerged from the serving area with loaded trays, and all of them sat at other tables. I said to my friend, "I know it's hard to tell from tonight, but people normally do sit by me. I am not usually that girl in the teen movies who goes through hell but gets the guy of her dreams." (though getting the guy of your dreams would be quite awesome)
Finally, when we were almost through eating, my friend came by and sat somewhat near us. I asked him why no one would want to sit by us. He said, "It's the beer. Every single time I have ordered a beer in this dining hall at least one person has come up to me and expressed concern about me being an alcoholic." I brought our trays up to be cleared and I asked my friend on dish duty why he thought no one sat by me and he said, "Maybe they thought you were trying out for the other team." And, he gave me a nod-wink combination. I said, "I didn't know there were tryouts." So, now I may have became the alcoholic, sexually-experimental girl, maybe I will become that girl in the teen movies afterall.
The plays themselves were just fine, well, one had a teenage girl accolade pissing into a communion chalice so I guess some of them were better than fine. The best part though was the distracting hot guy that was at the festival last night wearing plaid and sitting across the way from me was back and wearing a different plaid shirt and still sitting next to girls that probably weren't his girlfriend. Everything was the same except tonight I realized that he may be gay. Anyway, the undergrad with the mohawk and the sexy hands was also sitting across the way, and then there is my friend's boyfriend who is very nice to look at. The other distractions were my friends sitting next to me. One of them had a farting problem, and the other had a sack of cookies in her purse that she was passing around. Shit, it's amazing I saw any of the plays at all.
After the play a group of writers went to the closest bar which was only the formation of four new blisters from wearing my dress shoes away. After we got there my bodyguard showed up, who I am still not talking to and who is still talking about how he wants to ask out random women but is too shy to do so, but not too shy to talk about it, loudly in a public place. Finally, after the other Emily accused me of being funnier than her and got kind of upset and after I realized that I wasn't running away with the cook I was making eyes at, I left.
On the torturous walk home in my fancy shoes (that btw, got uglier with each step, until I took them off and walked in stockinged feet) I pulled out my cell to call someone so that I didn't have to think about oozing blisters. I realized that most everyone I wanted to talk to was still at the bar or asleep until I ran across the name of a friend from back home that I hadn't talked to in months. I rang him up. Turns out him and his best friend (a guy who I had a drunken, heavy make-out session with) and their collective ex-girlfriend were all drunk and hanging out. The phone got passed around. Apparently, I am very popular with the drunk set.
So, the guy who I called asked when I was coming home and made a comment about my facebook status of looking good, while providing a cheery commentary of the people around him. He handed the phone over to the make-out session guy, who, for the 11th time, told me that he still has the earring that I lost at his house. Except that this time when he told me he said, "you know, the one you left at my house after the pool table action." I said, "Yeah, that was fun." He said, "Good call!"
The phone was then passed to the collective ex-girlfriend who had a drunken make-out session of her own. And, almost as if to prove how incestuous things are back home, she made-out with a guy who had a crush on me for the past few years. This huge nerdy guy (which is usually a plus, but read on) who still lives with his dad and doesn't work or have any plans for his life, and whose 'sexy' look is terrifying. Yeah, I know how to attract men. Anyway, unlike my earring incident, she doesn't remember the kissing and only found out about it when she turned on her camera the next day to find the photographic evidence. I told her that making out with him was a public service. I told her that she made his year. And, she believed me. Then, we hung up and I was home, with my shoes in my hand. And, I still can't remember what this earring I left at his house looked like.
Tip of the Day: Finish writing your blog by 1:44 am, not 3:44 am.
-Canadian Castaway
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