Day 240
Today I went to the financial aid office to see if there was any money there. Unfortunately, they didn't have any money to give away yet. My department gives out several "End of the Year" scholarships based on merit/performance/ and whatever the hell they feel like. Immediately, I thought, 'Maybe they will give me one because they all know that I am laid off from the pub.' I didn't think, 'Gee, maybe I have given a good performance in all my classes and so maybe I'll be considered."
The bulk of my horrible I-hate-my-job hangover (translation: the four or so hours after leaving my four hour shift when I am feeling the most suicidal) I spent lying on my bed reading Diablo Cody's book about her stripping year. Did I mention that it's probably the nicest day, weather-wise, of the year and I had my blinds closed and my eyes stuck to the peepshow stories, hoping they'd get freakier. Nearly, jumping for joy that some wacko called the "Cum Licker" actually tongue-mopped strangers giz. At least I was learning things.
The most exciting part of today was the part where I went to the drugstore and looked at lipstick I couldn't afford. I picked up just the necessities: cheap box of tissue with the least annoying dorky pattern on it, a huge thing of generic toilet paper, and a bag of 100 lollipops. When I got up to the counter I told my friend who was with me that I should probably just work at the drugstore. Then I leaned in and asked the guy if they were hiring and he pretty much said they are always hiring. This could be a very bad thing. But, it doesn't matter, because the next thing I asked was, "Do you like working here?" He said, "Yeah, you get a thirty percent discount." I said, "I'm in."
How terrible are you if you go onto your awesome dorky friend's facebook page and look up her even dorkier friends? I love that the most unattractive woman in the world is her friend and she lists her hobbies as, "sewing" and "studying the bible" and her favorite tv shows start off with, "Knight Rider, Knight Rider." After I got done laughing I realized that I really want to befriend this bucktoothed wonder, at least she's not boring.
Today I told my mother about drag queen bingo. She laughed for a half an hour. After she was done laughing she started to tell me how to take care of Hank (the African violet I won at bingo amongst the lube and porn). I let her say a few things, that I already knew from the internet research I did this morning. Despite putting Hank in the window, lots of his flowers died during the course of today. I told this to my mother. She said that Hank needed water, I told her Hank was super wet (tee hee hee). Then I said, "Mom, you have killed every single plant you have ever had." "They overwatered it," she said, totally ignoring my murderess accusation. As a killer herself I think she would know. Those drag queens killed Hank! I would seek revenge, but those queens could kick my ass, plus I think I like them better than I like African violets. Sorry, Hank.
Tonight I watched my first episode of Hoarders. Not only am I completely addicted to it, I am fully convinced that I am a hoarder. I told this to a friend of mine when she came over and said, "Dude, there isn't any shit on your floor." Weird that a show about a mental illness can give you a mental freak out. It makes me want to clean out my drawers.
I realized why my BFF is my BFF tonight. Not only did she come over with candy tonight, she and I weighed ourselves, and went on and on about what kind of fat each of us are, then we wound up at McDonalds. I wonder if me and that bitch will both drop 40 pounds when she goes back to her home country.
Tip of the Day: Try not to think it's a good or bad day based on the volume of facebook notifications you receive or the amount of horrible drunken photos that not only get posted of you, but tagged.
-Canadian Castaway
No comments:
Post a Comment