Day 235
I am supposed to either be at a party celebrating some sort of mechanical squid or at a party for a fellow American right now. What am I actually doing? Sitting at my desk listening to people yell outside my window, hoping the rustling is not a raccoon scoping out my window for the entrance to its thievery addiction. I'd like to keep my stale arrowroot cookies.
This morning I woke up from a dream where I had sex with a guy I consider my brother and made out with a girl I barely know. That plus 6 cups of coffee and leftover meatballs and noodles began my day. Then came the shift at the Post Office. Like all of the other days at the Canadian Post Office I learned a few things. I learned that I hate working with the cute little Asian kid. I mean sure he does know everything and he isn't rude and he's super patient, but does he really have to loom over me and not laugh at anything all day, and smack his friggin gum? I also learned that in the same building where I work at the very expensive canteen-type store they sell giant Mr. Freeze pops. But, most importantly, I learned that rearranging the oversized packages in the backroom is a great way to not have to help customers.
Today marked my first trip to a store called Chapters. Chapters is basically the Canadian equivalent of Barnes and Noble. The only difference being that instead of paying the U.S. dollar price you pay the Canada price. This makes me feel like a sucker as the Canadian dollar is probably worth more than the American dollar. So, not only do I feel like I am getting screwed, I am actually getting screwed.
While at the bookstore I piled on books about bible salesman and strippers, but noticed that one of the books that I wanted was not on the shelf. I asked a sales clerk to help me. She said that it was in the stockroom still. Apparently, I am super quick on the new book draw. She said she'd fetch it for me. I told her I'd be in the "Biography" section. In the "Biography" section I discovered a woman who was using that aisle to breastfeed a baby. I left before my book could be delivered. Guess, I will never know if it was found, or what sections S through W of the "Biography" section holds.
Tonight me and my fellow American friend skipped out on the going home party one of our American friends. We missed out on this party for very American reason: there was tons of cheap Chinese carry out food to be found. The mission was accomplished when we spotted a crappy yellow awning. When inside we discovered my first Canadian crappy Chinese joint. It is so crappy that the menu is handwritten and taped to the wall and not only was there a shrine to some devilish god and one of those golden waving cats, there was a tacky wall clock that must have been from the 1970s that was in the shape of a life preserver and read, "Welcome Aboard." Also, there was the lady who didn't speak English who was making some sort of meat wontons. She was sitting at one of the chintzy tables from IKEA while 2 men yelled at each other in Mandarin from the kitchen area. I think I found paradise.
Also today my friend and I went to visit a mutual friend of ours at a little store called, Lush. Lush is a ritzy soap store for freaky, hip people who use ridiculously expensive bar soap. I have been to one of these stores in the States before with a friend who insists that their little hunks of rub-on deodorant are amazing. I thought this place was ridiculous and strange. Anyway, while I was at the store today I gave it a half-hearted second chance. Turns out the store is good for something, it is good for me to smell things and make disgusted noises while the snobby salesgirl glares on at me like I am Roseanne Barr at a rich person's house crossed with a petty thief. It's even better when you buy the cheapest thing in the store and ask for tons of free samples. I am going to be legendary to that salesgirl, she will bitch about me for years to come.
According to yahoo.ca news, LeAnn Rimes "was rocking a sleek new look." Translation: She has pretty much the same length hair, but it is straight, not wavy, and she has added bangs. This is a true example of why I love yahoo.ca news. I am sure that it's American equivalent isn't quite so daring as to cover a topic as a slightly new hairstyle on a washed up country singer. It's almost enough for me to learn the words to the Canadian national anthem, almost.
Tip of the Day: That cookie you left on the floor of your friend's car the other day is still good, try it.
-Canadian Castaway
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