Day 221
This Easter was a day of learning. Here is what I have learned:
-When your parents try to guilt you into going to an Easter church service you should always ask them if they went to one. They will say "No" and quit pushing their guilt onto you.
-So, when you buy the giant cheap champagne bottle to celebrate Easter expect to polish it off along with another bottle of sparkling blush along with two shots of vodka before 3 pm. Then expect to be braindead and fighting off headaches for the remainder of the day, vowing to your friends on chat that you will never get wasted before 3 pm ever again but secretly know that you will someday, probably this year even.
-The egg dish that is served at Easter brunch at the Lutheran church my parents didn't attend today is called, "egg bake." In Canada the same dish is called "strata." Just because it has a fancier name does not mean that it will taste better. This also does not mean that I will be calling anything "strata" ever in my life when clearly it's just "egg bake."
-Today I learned how to make Ukrainian Easter eggs. I learned how incredibly boring and tedious the whole thing gets after a half an hour. But mostly I learned how, if you whine just enough, the other people making Ukrainian Easter eggs in the room will finish yours for you, but act like you did them all by yourself when they praise you for them at the end of the egg-making process. Sure it makes you feel like a 5 year old, but I know some pretty cool 5 year olds.
-Before you arrive at your MFA program for Creative Writing you dream about the awesomeness of "I'm just gonna use those two years to write." Ha! In reality you sit around thinking about how horrible it is that you are indeed not using your time to write, but spend it sitting around, fretting about what you should be writing. Then one day it passes for a moment and you write a few things and you feel wonderful. That day was not today.
-I also learned that I never want to be the person who can tell the difference between the 5 kinds of rolling papers that the corner market sells.
-I learned that if you write "play Battleship with me" on the facebook wall of a guy in your building who is always making kiss-y/wink-y faces at you he will ignore it.
-I learned that the squirrels trying to get in my room aren't that afraid of me anymore. I scream at them and they just look at me and cock their heads and say with their beady little eyes, "God, you are depressing."
-I learned that during my sabbatical from dealing with the my-bodyguard-is-not-such-good-friends-with-me-as-I-had-thought situation I have noticed that he has spent much more time posting things on facebook and, he has not yet chatted with me once. Though he did leave two comments about my new job on my wall. I didn't answer them, maybe I should've, but quite frankly I am too busy spending time away from him (i.e. looking at what he posts on facebook and forcing myself to not strike up a chat conversation).
-A mix of David Bowie, Lady Gaga and that fucking Numa Numa song is the perfect mix for an Easter celebration party.
-When you agree to let your neighbor, you know the one that looks like a cartoon character, "borrow" some of your laundry soap and you tell him to just bring a container for it so he won't take the whole bottle and steal it, he'll bring a fucking Coke can and goddamn near fill the whole thing up and you will just stand there in awe of his audacity and in awe of your own stupidity.
-Don't read fortune cookies it is a waste of time especially when they say things like, "You tend to be straightforward and honest." So what?!
Tip of the Day: Don't tell the girl upstairs that you will go skating with her tomorrow when you are still super afraid of skating.
-Canadian Castaway
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