Day 228
So, I went to the grocery store today. The one with the bread guy. The bread guy is a chivalrous giant whose ego I like to indulge. Not gonna lie, one of my favorite things to do is linger in the bread section just long enough for him to approach me. And, I can't say how many times he's taught me how to use the bread slicer. Or, how many times I oo-ed and awe-ed at his proficiency with it. Once I heard from my friend that he had asked her out. I pretended to be grossed out by the whole thing, but secretly I was jealous. She has skills with the bread slicer, maybe that's what he's looking for, not some girl playing dumb just to be rescued. But damn, I hate slicing my own bread.
This grocery store has bulk bins. Normally, I try to be sneaky and take organic cranberries but write the bin number for the cheapy cranberries. For some reason today I didn't try to pull any sort of heist. I don't know if I am getting old or bored with always getting away with it. Despite this turn of events the trip ended up being quite exciting. I stood in the checkout line for a few minutes after picking out crappy salami and cheese dip and shitty cranberries. The checkout lines in this place are never very long, usually only one or two people are ahead of you. And, I know I've mentioned this before, but these checkout cashiers in Canada are ridiculously slow. Checking out those one or two people always takes 20 minutes, minimum. It's almost like they are constantly running a contest to see who can deal with the least amount of customers in a shift.
Today I was brave and tried the self checkout. Now, I have used a self checkout in the past. I found them to be not nearly as fun as seeing a stranger fondle your purchases and see if they make small talk, and what sort of small talk they make, and you wonder if they have any other prison-style tattoos and such. But, the checkout lines here just take too goddamn long, and none of the cashiers at this store have roses tattooed on their wrists. Turns out the self checkout is wonderful and fun and quick. Plus, it provides me with a new way of scamming the store: they are trusting you to enter in a bin number for your bulk purchases. Now I only need to memorize the codes for the cheapest bulk items and Pow! I am a petty criminal once again.
Tonight, I went online and applied for a job with the aforementioned grocery store. I think I should work as a cashier. Not because I think it would be awesome to see how slowly I can check people out, but to bask to bask in my future glory of being the fastest grocery store cashier in Canada. I started to fill out the online application and found that it had 3 sections. The first section was putting in your email address and uploading your resume. The second section was filling in your availability and how you'd like to be contacted. The third section was uploading (and in my case, composing and saving, and then uploading) a cover letter. But what they don't tell you is that there is a sneaky fourth step.
The 4th step involves answering 20 questions. These questions have two possible answers: the one the employer is looking for in an employee and the one the employer is not looking for in an employee. Here is an example:
You are the type of person who:
a. prefers organization and tidiness.
b. doesn't mind chaos and messiness.
You are the type of person who:
a. likes to be shown new ways of doing things.
b. doesn't like to be shown new ways of doing things.
It was like taking a Seventeen magazine personality test but I knew exactly what answers to give based on the outcome I wanted. But, after awhile always giving the "right" answer gets boring. So I snuck in a wrong one, just in case they thought I was too smart to work there. Here is the one I answered "wrong."
You are the type of person who:
a. likes challenges and busy work.
b. likes predictable and easy tasks.
The thing is is that in picking the "wrong" answer I was picking the true answer.
Tip of the Day: It is possible to OD on chocolate chips and one day I will.
-Canadian Castaway
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