Day 241
There is always a line at the bank. Usually this line makes me want to shove rusty nails into my fingernails, but today it was intriguing. Working as a teller was a muscle-y young Asian man. He was helping an older Asian lady. She seemed frustrated and had one of those Chinese accents that my fellow Americans mock for laughs. Here is what I heard:
Her: "Why you not speak Chinese?"
Him: "Why don't you speak English?!"
Then I found out I only had 37 bucks in my account. I got a little panicky. But, when I got home I watched a video on yahoo.ca news that showed a 29 year old man who had just won 258 million in a lottery jackpot. When he won the lottery he only had 28 dollars to his name. This made me feel both better and jealous.
My friend and I are grilling tomorrow. She came over last week and saw that my residence has a grill. She was excited and wanted to take advantage of it. During her excitement I didn't mention to her that I know nothing about grilling and don't really desire to be much more than a spectator and taste-tester when it comes to barbecue operation. I hope she can figure this out. Anyway, I met her outside the food market. She had gone in in search of grill-worthy hot dogs. She came out and declared, "They have some, but they aren't shitty enough." She had me go in for a second opinion. She was right, they were no Corn King or generic Ballpark Franks. Geez, Canada can't you do a shitty hot dog right? You know, with artificial flavoring and coloring and animal hair.
Today I went into a coffeeshop on my way to a rock show and asked for a tiny coffee. The clerk produced literally a kid cup of joe. I looked at the cup and over at my friend and said, "I love Canada, their little glass sizes are just so cute." Apparently, this was offensive as the clerk made some sort of passive agressive statement that I couldn't really hear and gave me the stink eye. Geez, Canadians can be so touchy.
At the rock show me and my friend were nearly mauled by a dancer. She was a fluffy-haired woman wearing a small hockey jersey. She danced like she was in Africa at a traditional, tribal ceremony. She stomped all around and swung her head below her waist and back again toward the ceiling. There was always a three foot space cleared when she neared people despite the crowd being so close together you could smell each others farts, even the little ones. You know it's bad when your friend looks over at you and says, "I just got her hair in my mouth." with a monotone annoyance voice most commonly used when kids do something annoying on repeat.
Tip of the Day: A quarter pounder with cheese may sound like a good idea, but in Canada they are like over 4 bucks. Somehow a cheap burger doesn't taste quite as awesome when it isn't really that cheap.
-Canadian Castaway
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