Today Is The Kind of Day When...

Day 238

Today is the kind of day when you wake up an hour and a half late for breakfast go through moderate hell and wind up moping on a stuffed chair wishing you had someone to hug.

Today is the kind of day when you think your skin has cleared up, only to discover a giant boil.

Today is the kind of day when your super cool new friend on facebook didn't respond to your comment.

Today is the kind of day when you watch an episode of the teen reality show you are addicted to and weep when the big kid gets the girl. Then you watch that scene 6 times in a row, every time you tear up.

Today is the kind of day when you eat supper next to a man and his wife from Kentucky. They tell you that they got funny looks when they checked into a fancy hotel carrying a six pack. But, when you tell them that you hated your visit to the aquarium because fish are kinda boring and the belugas didn't know any tricks they will give you a look like you are some sort of ignorant honky who spat on their mama's grave.

Today is the kind of day when you realize that there is no way you can lie hard enough and believably enough to make your CV look presentable, let alone to have it land a 29 buck an hour job.

Today is the type of day when you need to buy toilet paper but you come home with wine and rockstar mixed with vodka in a can because you truly believe that it will make you cooler. I guess when you are drunk you won't realize that you are wiping your ass with paper towels.

Today is the type of day when you finally resort to playing scramble. Gee, there is nothing like coming in at 16th place, and then being bumped to 17th.

Today is the type of day when you do your laundry, vacuum the floor, and do your dishes, but you forget that you did any of it and are still hateful. I mean, it's not like you won't have to do them all over again.

Today is when you customize your gmail chat status to read, "sadface" and expect someone to notice but nobody does.

Today is the kind of day when you tell the guy you'd like to mess around with that you are engaged. You are, but it's totally a My Best Friend's Wedding sort of thing and he'll probably marry the girl that treats him like shit. But, the guy who heard "engaged" thinks that means, "unfuckable."

Today is the kind of day when you work at the post office and want to kill every living thing on earth with a spoon. Coincidentally, it is the kind of day when you actually have to work, because the girl you work with is much better at avoiding work than you are.

Today is the kind of day where the girl who out-slacked you will invite you to come over to hang at her house sometime. And, though you hate her for making you do all the work, you are inexplicably flattered that someone wants to hang out with you.

Today is the kind of day when you skip going out to a party because you have better things to do, like write CVs and cover letters. But, you end up drinking your wine and leaving your room to go watch Glee only to sit in between the guy you were mildly interested in but only talks about himself, and the guy who keeps trying to get you to go to his house to watch a movie, but you don't really want to because it is disgusting and you are afraid you'd strangle him because he wiggles his leg when watching movies.

Today is the kind of day when you need to go to bed early so that it will end sooner.

Tip of the Day: If you don't have any friends to vent to, feel like nobody gets you, or you do have some friends left but they are probably sick of your whining, start a blog and write entries entitled, "Today is the kind of day when..." because, somehow it makes you feel like you are a creative cool kid, not just a sulky friendless fucker who hasn't gotten laid since--it doesn't matter. hmph.

-Canadian Castaway