Day 210
This morning I watched one of the most prestigious writers/teachers in my program sweet talk the coffee machine. While he was wiping it down with a cloth and running a cleaning cycle he was whispering sweet nothings, "You are beautiful and so clean." A normal person may have found this cute or disturbing. But, I am part of the Special People's Club (thank you Welcome to the Dollhouse). I pretty much just whined about how I didn't have any coffee for the 20 minutes it took to do the cleaning. The odd thing is though, I think this prof likes me anyhow. Wonder what I'd so if he told me I was "beautiful and so clean" well, depends on whether or not I already had my coffee.
Today me and my friend went to this cafe in a great neighborhood to study. Definition of a great neighborhood: Where you can go people watching and see some Native guy walking around selling fake gold Virgin Mary figurines on the street. While we went there to study, I got a little distracted. First, there was a kid. One who wouldn't smile at my funny faces, but only at my regular face. Then, there was the kinda of cute guy who had a Canadian flag sticker on his MacBook, and who I was convinced I was going to marry. Then, there was the long-haired woman who looked exactly like a hippie, down to her bell bottom jeans and her leather, fringed handbag. She sort of slipped, and caught herself and couldn't quit yelling, "You've got a spill here." Then there was the guy who was covered in tattoos and was so sexy smoking cigarettes, if only he didn't have giant ridiculous earrings. These are just a couple of the distractions.
The biggest distraction was when my friend asked if they had wireless at this particular cafe and was met with the response, "No," the cafe worker gestured around the mostly empty cafe and said seriously, "We already have tons of business, we don't need people sitting in here all day studying with their laptops. We need to move people in and out." My friend (a Canadian) who was trying to get on internet agreed with the woman's statement in some way, whereas me, (American) thought, "Are you fuckin' nuts?! More business is a good thing. Jesus!"Later we walked up the street in search of a cafe with wireless for my friend to send some emails in. We came upon one, and it was all hustle and beverage slinging. I still couldn't see as a business owner how I would be against this kind of racket, possibly this is further proof I will never really be Canadian.
My favorite part of the hang out though, was the walk back to the car. We passed a storefront full of Dia De Los Muertos stuff in the window. My eyes stopped on a figurine that contained a dog sniffing the ass of a whore with a skeleton face. Immediately, I thought, that would be perfect for my friend. We went inside to find someones adorable Spanish grandmother working the register. I felt ashamed asking the price. But, I did so anyhow. "$15 dollars," she said. I thought, 'Geez, that's a lot to pay for a tiny butt-sniffing dog and whore statue.'
So, today I was to co-teach high school kids. I was super excited as the blue nailpolish I put on last night was sure to be a hit with them. I waited the whole time we were teaching (translation: talking nonsense and sometimes nonsense about writing) to see if they would say anything. The only person who even noticed was the old English teacher who supervises us. He said, "Did you try to get your nailpolish to match your dinosaur pen?" Then he looked at my hands and said, "Nah, that blue is different it doesn't match." I was heartbroken. Apparently, calculating into Fahrenheit the temperature one's body would have to be at to be too hot to live anymore was more exciting.
You know your life is boring when you skype with your friend who has never skype-ed before and you don't have anything all that exciting to say so you take your roaring, light-up dinosaur pen and put it in front of the camera. Good thing your friend is so obsessed with dinosaurs. Actually, she was wearing a neck cozie she made from a dinosaur printed cloth. Although, her boyfriend taking the wrapper off a chocolate bunny was pretty exciting, the dinosaur still wins, because chocolate bunnies don't light up and roar. Duh.
Tip of the Day: Don't send out a bitchy email to your whole class about how irresponsible they are for turning in their work late, unless you are absolutely sure you will never, ever have to turn in your own work late.
-Canadian Castaway
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