Day 205
Tonight I was going to try to go to bed by 12. It is now 1:21 AM. What can I say there is so much chatting, peeking at the boy I want to kiss's window, and youtubing to be done before bed. This morning wasn't much better. I faked that I was writing a story and drank tons of coffee. I was non-stop, until I looked down at my feet and realized one foot barefoot in a sandal, the other socked, without any footwear was a metaphor for my day. Did I mention that I woke up this morning from a dream where passenger planes were trying to kill me? I won't go into more detail as telling others your dreams is super selfish, as they are always quite boring and totally irrelevant.
Grandma was right, getting old sucks. Alright so the not being able to move as well can be remedied, and the wrinkles can look good, if you are smiling. (Okay, so I am still in my 20s, but still) But, when you realize how the men you were attracted to are the same type of men you were attracted to 5 years ago you realize something: they are not the same age anymore, they are younger than your younger brother. The good news is, is that young Canadian will agree to marry you, so you can share dual citizenship, and he never asked how old you are. The bad news is that when you discussed wedding plans and he got all excited about having a Luau, and you didn't tell him you don't like cooked pineapple, you feel like a liar for showing fake excitement. Oh well, I could choke down a ring or two, but he'd better get a haircut.
I have a short story due for Monday's fiction class. I told my mother the plot line while she was shopping in Wal-Mart. She said, "That's interesting," in a disinterested voice. Then she detailed to me the "herd of fat people" that were taking over the Electronics section and I realized that, that was much more fascinating than my plot line could ever be.
My father is even better, he once again tried to convince me that he doesn't spend all afternoon watching Oprah. I started to believe him a little until I said, "Did you see the recent show with Kirstie Alley, Dad?" He launched into active gear, "Yep, I sure did. Man, she is just yo-yoing in weight recently, isn't she? She said that she's going to launch some new webcam..." My Dad can't remember to do my taxes that I call him about every single day, but he can remember what Kirstie Alley said to Oprah, I don't know whether to be disturbed or fascinated.
I had better become a famous writer someday so I can answer an interview question about what I do in my personal life. I would say, "Stay up until 2 am watching the short-lived Roseanne talk show, and thinking naughty thoughts about Craig Ferguson all the while eating dill pickle flavored sunflower seeds." Would people find that interesting or sad?
Tip of the Day: "Damn it Feels Good to Be a Gangsta" will always be a good song.
-Canadian Castaway
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