Day 203
Once again it is nearing 3 am. Okay, so I have been reading an article called, "10 Men That Are Hotter Than Johnny Depp" btw, they are NOT hotter. Anyway, I have to make this brief as tomorrow I am going to do Canadian taxes for the first time (to be continued). Here are some of the highlights from St. Patty's Day Canada-style.
This morning I went to the English Department book sale. Seriously, I don't know what selling a few 50 cent books and a couple cookies is going to do as far as raising funds, but it was fun. There was a lady bitching that the books were up too high on the shelves. There was a book entitled, "Fanny and the Monsters," but it had dinosaurs on the cover (not monsters). Now that I think of it, I should've dropped the extra 50 cents on that one. If anyone reads this fucking blog and gets me a copy of that book I will do something wonderful for you like write a love letter on your behalf. I am not so good at them, but I could get some pink paper, lipstick, and perfume to spruce it up.
The best part of the book sale though, was the elevator ride. I got on an elevator going up. It went all the way up to the 12th floor of the building where it dropped off its last passenger: a History grad student. Here is the exchange we had:
Me: What's on the twelfth floor?
Him: It's the History Department.
Me: Oh, I've never been in this building before.
Him: Oh, are you just visiting, checking out the campus?
Me: No, I am in the Creative Writing program.
pause
Him: Welcome to the building.
And, then he walked out of my life.
After I bought three books for a whopping $1.50 I went down to the clothing optional beach. There were only a few naked people milling around. I set myself up on the other side of them. Somehow these older, weathered-looking people make me feel safe. Lord knows why, it's not like they could carry any sort of weapon to defend me with. At the beach I wrote a rant, and watched the sea, and looked to my left to spot a couple younger, hard-bodied naked people playing frisbee. I wonder if playing naked is more fun. I wonder if they woke up this morning and thought, "Gee, I think today is a naked frisbee kind of day."
After coming up from the beach my friend and I played a clothed frisbee game in the courtyard of my building. Yeah, the same courtyard where we played last time and I received that passive aggressive email about the volume of my voice from someone in my building. So, I yelled a lot more today. But, today was extra special because we shared the courtyard with the soccer team. The best part is that the team played directly outside the dickwad's window, wonder if any of them got emailed.
As it was St. Patty's Day and I am once again employed in a bar, I had to work tonight. Here are some of the high and lowlights from my first ever Canadian St. Patrick's Day:
We saw a guy puke in the shrubbery, wipe his mouth off with his hand, and them wipe his hand on his jeans. The guy them turned his head to see where the involuntary, "Eww!" came from. It was then I noticed that he was wearing a sweatshirt with my schools initials on it. That would be a great promo photo.
Tonight I learned two things about having an open mic. 1. Where there are drunk people there is the song, "Sweet Caroline" ALWAYS. and 2. The girl who can't sing, will sing, A LOT.
I also learned that the Australian man is charming. But, he is charming to everyone.
A guy walked by me and I said, "I like your glowstick." He said, "Thanks."
Bartender, after leaning in close to talk to me, "I might have mono."
I had some guy actually say to me, "I have the feeling you and me will be making out by the end of the night." (We didn't)
My favorite part of the whole evening happened during a fight. Two good-sized guys were going at each other with one of the floor staff attempting to pull them apart. I told the head bartender what was going on. The head bartender is a quarter of my weight. He ran around the bar, and jumped into the middle of the fight and broke it up. I looked over at a pack of beefcake men. The biggest one was approaching me, and I said, "Go be the hero." He said, "I'll get him outta here." God, I love my command of meatheads. I wonder if I should use my powers for good or evil. Guess, it depends on who pays more.
Tip of the Day: Just because your friend sends you a box of candy doesn't mean you have to eat it all in one sitting. If you do wind up doing this, throw out the wrappers straight away, and try to remember that lady you read about online who wants to become the first 1,000 pound mother. But don't think, 'Oh, this candy is nothing compared to what that bitch eats," think of what Kate Moss said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin."
-Canadian Castaway
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