Day 216
So, it is now 2:48 am. I am not that close to sober. Here is a quick re-cap:
Canadian government websites suck just as bad as U.S. websites. I was guessing that this wasn't going to be the case. I was guessing that when a log-in page to get a work permit doesn't load in Canada there would be some sort of recording that says, "I'm sorry" on repeat. There isn't. Instead, I am left feeling like there is some sort of Canadian code against allowing foreigners to work here. This could definitely be the case. But, now I am more curious than ever to see what sorts of questions are on the application for a work permit if the application even exists. Are they gonna ask me if I can sing the national anthem, or name the provinces? Maybe I indeed am ill-equipped to be employed in this country.
After I gave up on the website I met up with a friend of mine who has a copy code to the massive copy machine in my department. He and I scanned a few documents that the fickle Canadian website might need me to provide them. But, not only did the machine scan them, instead of printing them out it sent the images as PDFs to my email account. This may not sound all that exciting but, believe me it is. Now, if I can get a copy code I can fuck around with the copy machine all I want, and secretly send the images to my email, so as not to leave any evidence of me photocopying weird Aragorn collages or my ass. This seems like it may come in handy.
After the scanning and such I went to the bank where I stood in line forever, only to get a teller that not only had a voice that is so soothing I am nearly falling asleep, but who is also taking care of two other things at the same time, and fucking with my accounts, and saying, "God, I am so tired." This would be fine and understandable, if it were to only happen occasionally, but it happens every time I go to the bank. What the hell is all the ruckus about? Don't most people do online banking these days? Do they really have it that rough anymore?
Then I went to school. While in the lounge I christened myself DJ. I was playing, Devo, Bowie, and Michael Jackson. My classmates were teaching each other to moonwalk, and shaking their asses. People would drift in and out, seeing the dancing fools, and laugh and join in. All was well until, I looked just outside the open door. Across the hallway was the grad advisor sitting in his office, door open, meeting with student, and making a waving signal that could've meant many things. The next time I looked, he had closed his door. Guess, closing the door may be Canadian for, "Shut the hell up!"
Then, for the next many hours my fellow schoolmates and I went out for drinks. Here are a few high and low lights:
A beer was spilled in my lap by someone else, but they blamed me for it.
There was an inexplicable snowman rabbit out front with a bottle cap nose and one olive for an eye. It has not snowed here at all this year.
When a group of writers gets together they cast themselves in roles of Lord of the Rings, apparently. All I know is that no one is going to take the role of Eowyn from me. Also, it was a collective decscion that none of us are good enough at heart to be Samwise.
I asked my bodyguard why he doesn't tell anyone anything about himself, specifically, why doesn't he tell me things when I tell him everything. He informed me that he does tell people stuff, but those people aren't me. Gee, thanks for the friendship, not.
My friend got drunk and told me that I am rude for making the professor laugh while she was talking (even though it had nothing to do with her, and happened weeks ago). It's kind of hard to not talk when she is talking if she is talking nearly the whole time. But, instead of pointing that out I said, "I am sorry." Fuck, I am so Canadian.
The girl sitting next to me bit me, twice.
I commanded all the boys at the table to never wear flannel, for fear that I would become attracted to them.
All in all, just another shitty night at the bar.
Tip of the Day: When your friend asks you if she should befriend a 17 year old boy on facebook as she just spent quite sometime getting to know him on chat roulette always say, "Yes!"
-Canadian Castaway
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