Day 175
So, I got up this morning and realized what the hell I'm doing with my life and it is daunting. You know after years of writing and sending out my work, getting a degree in Writing and going 5 months into a grad program in another country it finally hit me that I am going to be writing for a living (hopefully). I am not just secretly scribbling down things and working on them in my spare time anymore. I am supposed to be scribbling down things and working on them ALL of the time. I have yet to make this transition as it would mean that I will severely have to cut down on my TV watching and drunken debauchery time. I didn't know if I could handle the pressure and dedication of it all.
It all seemed a little hopeless until I saw the Olympic half-pipe competition. Yeah, I know I have totally lost it. Anyway, when I saw Shaun White land his last jump and win the gold I first thought, "USA!" and then, "Hey, he deserves to win that--he's obviously put in the work." Then I spent the next half hour watching videos of him on youtube, including a clip of a trial run of the jump that he landed nailed tonight. In the clip the only thing he nailed was his chin on the lip of the pipe. After seeing that I decided that I want to be the Shaun White of the writing world. The girl whose trial pass sucks and nearly kills her but she gets back up (severely damaged) and does it until she gets it right. So now whenever I sit down to write and it totally sucks I am going to blame it on Shaun and keep at it until I win something shiny and gold. And when I am on the Ellen DeGeneres show and she asks who do I draw inspiration from for my writing I can say, "World famous snowboarder, Shaun White."
So instead of sulking in my room about how I may have walking pneumonia I went to the clinic to find out--Not! Who wants horrible news like that? Instead, I went to a touristy island and watched people dancing in windows. This is called, "Pop-up Dancing" but I must note that no one really popped up. There was more swirling around and swaying than popping. But I must say that my favorite part of my trip was not the dancing. My favorite part was when we were out on a dock platform with 60 people. These people were not dancing, these people were mortified. Only seconds before we arrived a seagull killed a small bird and it's ripped open corpse was hanging from the seagulls beak. The bird was just standing there with the dead bird in its mouth, all proud looking.
I was the only one not shrieking. Okay so I was shrieking, but I was the one shrieking, "That was awesome!" Everyone looked at me like I was insane, including my friends who were holding each other saying, "That was the most disturbing thing I've ever seen." Seriously? We eat meat all the time. Just because we don't kill our supper and stand with an entire dead cow out of our mouths doesn't make us any different. Okay so it makes us more civilized but what does that really mean? In this context, and many other contexts, "civilized" just means that we are in denial that we are all really just animals who eat other animals and make up silly words to cover ourselves in. But, it was one thing to not be too "disturbed" by the killing but quite another to be sad that we missed the death scene. I was sad. How crazy would that have been to see a real life bird see another bird and think 'dinner' and then rip it to shreds? That would've been nuts. But what would be more exciting would be to see what this already mortified and civilized crowd have looked like during it?
For quite awhile tonight at supper I was the loser girl in the dining hall. Despite my constant bitching and wishing that no one would talk to me it never really did happen, until today. I realized something when I was eating carrots on my own and not knowing whether to look around and smile or down at my food and frown (not like it mattered, no one was looking at me). I realized that no matter how much I have identified myself with that character in movies (the loser girl who nobody sits by) I have never actually been that girl. The difference between being that girl and seeing that girl is that when you are that girl you don't see that something cool will happen to you later on in the film of your life and you are most definitely not a loser.
Tip of the Day: I read online that Kelly Osbourne lost weight by giving up Jam-filled cookies. So, if you eat jam-filled cookies and want to lose weight stop.
-Canadian Castaway
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