Day 169
There is nothing weirder than reading aloud to yourself and imagining people in the hallway walking by and hearing it. Sure, at first they may think, "Oh she must be on the phone." The rambling continues and then they must think, "I just knew that girl was nuts." Then they turn to their companion and say, "You owe me twenty bucks." This is what I thought was going on every time I rehearsed the piece of writing I was to read tonight at the reading that I somehow got duped into doing. My imagining that other people thought I may be crazy made me email a few friends (including a guy that may become more than a friend and is extremely awkward to be around) to come and listen to me read so there was another voice for hallway listeners.
So, after I cut down the piece of writing that was requested by several of my classmates for me to read at tonight's festivities I started chatting with a friend of mine who was also reading at the event. Naturally, I asked him what he would be reading and he said that he was going to be reading a 2 page story about the first time he fell in love. Then, he asked me if I was reading the story that everybody so loved in class. I told him I was and that I had gotten it down to ten pages. He said, "You can't read ten pages, just read excerpts." I told him that it only took me like 12 minutes to read it, that I had timed it. He told me that I only had 5 minutes to read.
How ridiculous. If they want me to read then why can't I read. I mean shit, 5 minutes. My mother can't even take a piss and wash her hands in 5 minutes. I went out of my mind all of that reading aloud and imagining people hearing how nutty I was for nothing. "Just read excerpts, it'll be fine,"my friend said. "You are pissing me off and making me go into hysterics," I said. "I have to go." Immediately after, I phoned my mother to bitch about it all, only to hear that she is losing her job then I felt bad for even giving a shit about what I could or could not read at an event that in the long run doesn't really matter at all. "Sorry," my mom said. "What were you gonna say to me? I didn't mean to bitch your ear off. Tell me something good." Fuck!
Anyway, as you can tell I am in a pissy mood. I am starting to think I should use "You are what you eat" defense. I mean seriously, let's take a look at what I ate today:
-Carribean Jerk Chicken
-2 glasses of Tang
-5 cups of coffee
-one bag of berry Skittles minus the blue ones
-Habenero and Guacamole Doritos
-Chocolate cake with Bacon pieces and maple-flavored icing (no shit)
-one can of hard cider
-one beer with the label, Pilsner (no brand name at all)
-a blue and green lollypop
-one Filet 'o Fish meal
-4 eyeball-sized lychees
So, you mix that all up and what does that make me? I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with witch.
On my way to the reading I noticed around 5,000 people up the street. Apparently, the Olympic torch was coming. I waited in the crowd in pouring rain for 35 minutes and then 2 fire trucks drove past, a short bus full of people in matching outfits rolled by, a bus crammed with people on laptops came by, 15 police officers on matching Harley's were next and another vehicle that was had a camera in the back and finally a person in silver holding a flaming piece of metal. This lasted a total of 2 minutes. Then, all of the 5,000 people turned to each other in amazement. I turned to my neighbor and said, "Now what are we supposed to do?" Someone offered, "Get drunk!" What I actually did was walk to the bus and ring up people back home to tell them how I had seen the Olympic torch. They asked how it was with enthusiasm and I said back, "It was awesome." I think I may have to redefine awesome in the dictionary as, "something cold and wet and not all that impressive but will be remembered as a great moment for no particular reason other than I was present for it."
Usually I am not one for drunk people, especially when I am very near sober. I am also never one for drunk people on buses who look like they are going to puke. But, tonight I was proved wrong. There was something really endearing about the drunk girl who had such a hard time getting into a seat (she sat on the floor on her way in). I don't know if it was the way she asked random strangers if they were having a good time or commenting as to what she was thinking about them, "You look important!" It could've been the way when one of the ice cubes her friend was putting into her mouth fell into her hoodie she just laughed, left it there and two minutes later said, "I can't feel it yet!" It could also be that she and her friend offered everyone on the bus lollypops that they had stolen from somewhere at the airport. Or the way she kept her McDonalds cup close to her chest in case she needed to puke. But I think it was more so in the way she said things. Here is my favorite thing she said:
Friend: "Remember tonight that lady who told you to watch where you were going and you told her that she needed to get out of your way or you'd knock her down?"
Drunk Girl: "Hahahahaha. Yeah, so? She had better look out. I am gonna knock her down!"
Friend: "She was like 95 years old."
Drunk Girl: "So?"
Friend: "So, you should respect seniors."
Drunk Girl: "Why?"
Friend: "Because, that's what you are supposed to do."
Drunk Girl: "Not me! I don't discriminate against age or sex or anything I treat everyone equally!"
Tip of the Day: When you are eating a sucker that some drunk girl gave you on the bus try not to wonder halfway through where exactly it came from.
-Canadian Castaway
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