Day 170
I could be at an erotic party right now with stripping, bondage lessons, and a kissing booth, but I am being punished. I have gone out far too much lately and so I have punished myself to stay in for once. I am also getting a sore throat which reminds me that making out with strangers could lead to mononucleosis, although that's never happened the last 20 or so times I've done it. Anyway, staying in and watching Cambodian burned DVDs isn't the punishment, it's more so the eating of vegetables and not drinking that is doing me in. This sucks. Vegetables are really not that great. Honestly, I don't even know the name of the green shit I ate tonight but I choked down two handfuls. I almost have to drink a pitcher of Tang to make up for all the healthy eating going on around here, only I don't have a pitcher.
Most of my day besides the vegetable eating part was spent craving meat, eating meat, and watching the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. Here are a few observations about the opening ceremonies:
-What the fuck was up with the Nova-type narration sequences of alleged storytelling? Seriously, until the big giant bear came up through the floor I was sleeping.
-After having spoken to several people who watched the ceremonies elsewhere what will be remembered about Nelly Furtado and whoever that guy was is the fact that her dress was stretched damn tight. According to my unofficial poll, I wasn't the only one who noticed how she couldn't move or breathe deeply.
-Nikki whatsherface did an okay job of singing the anthem. I would have preferred it be sung by Alanis. One time in a bar in the middle of Wisconsin early in the day I was sitting with a few friends drinking beer and the Stanley Cup was on the television. It was a year where it was the U.S. versus Canada. Alanis came out and sang my native anthem nicely but to little fanfare but when she busted out Oh Canada I cried. It was moving and I am not even a native. I awed at the pride and spirit she put into it and how the audience sang louder than her. Tonight though, all I could think about when Nikki was singing was, "Damn, that girl has a big mouth."
-Speaking of big mouths and big hair, wasn't that opera singer amazing? She would've been amazing for her big hair and gold dress alone, but she could really sing. Usually, I hate opera but that was before I listened to hair opera.
-The First Nations people were incredible; who knew they would have to dance through the entire entrances of the Olympians. It's too bad that the decorations they had looked like giant ice sculpted penises.
-So I must admit my ignorance, (okay, so that's pretty much the theme of this blog, I know) I am not even sure if I have ever heard of Andorra but damn there are some sexy people from there. There were plenty of gorgeous people from other countries as well. When I watched the ceremonies on the big screen at the pub my co-workers and I were pretty much commentators on the entire ceremony, but we only had two different comments between the six of us that kept repeating: "He's hot." or "She's hot." I guess we all learned something tonight: people from all over the world are hot, and everyone who works at the pub is horny.
-I am not sure where or even if they train announcers for these type of events but I was pretty disappointed with the commentators on TV when they made such a big show of the pieces of the cauldron not all erecting themselves. Seriously, had they not said anything Vancouver wouldn't have looked so bad. There must be some sort of etiquette involved with live reporting. Right? I am going to assume they were non-Canadian reporters because if they were Canadian they would have not said anything out of kindness.
-Okay so I know that in Canada English and French are spoken (in some parts), but was it necessary to have that annoying woman saying everything that was already said but saying it in French?
-K.D. Lang tore that shit up with "Hallelujah." It was kick ass. It was the only singing, besides that weird opera chick, that seemed heartfelt. All of my friends were impressed especially the one who said at the end, "Wait, that's a chick? No fucking way." Then I wondered how many millions of people around the world had mistaken K.D. for a man.
-When Donald Sutherland came on screen I was the first to shout, "He is hot!" Applause ensued.
-What was up with having poor Wayne carry that mother effing torch in the rain for twenty minutes in the back of a truck? I bet his arm hurt like hell. Then, watching him jog after he had finally got out of that truck made me want to well up with my newly found Canadian pride at his athleticism and good sportsmanship.
-My personal favorite part was the crazy fiddle off, in particular, the way that the guy wearing a blanket/skirt/kilt-type thing did high rock and roll kicks exposing his upper thigh.
Well, that's all I have to say about that. Tomorrow my punishment will be temporarily lifted so as to make it okay for me to purchase a 2 liter of cider and go to a friends house. I love my friends, sure, but that doesn't mean I can hang out with them when I am sober.
Tip of the Day: If you are being punished without booze or candy watching Mad TV clips on youtube will make you feel better.
-Canadian Castaway
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