Day 180
Today I went to three libraries.
Library number 1: This was the Education library where I find all these wacky young adult books I like to read. But, today's purpose there was to return books as this is the closest branch of the library as books are heavy. I returned two books one a young adult book and another an adult novel from another library branch on campus. The second book made me feel the slightest bit lazy as I was going to the branch where it came from but didn't want to lug it around--this is now my old way of thinking. My new way of thinking is that by me being lazy I am helping mankind as someone will have to sort that book into a different bin, someone will have to haul it to the proper library and someone at the proper library will have to put it on a shelving cart and someone else will have to put it away. See, I just helped 4 people have jobs.
Library number 2: This was the Science/Medical-ish library on campus that allegedly held a book of memoir I want to read about some dude growing up on a farm. I got into the library and poked around each floor taking note that it smelled musty (the good book rotting smell I am addicted to) there was virtually no one there, and there were tables and chairs in there from the 1960's which meant that they were orange. The book I wanted was located in a section designated for fisheries. When I got there the book wasn't actually there and two people helped me look for it until the search was aborted. The old man at the front desk in the Jimi Hendrix tee shirt and flannel handed me a form to fill out in case they found the book they would contact me. The form asked my name and "address" the man leaned over and said, "That means email address now--damn forms are 20 years old." I thought, hmm, they are newer than the chairs.
Library number 3: This is my favorite library. I love this library so much that I took a picture of it, had that picture printed, and it now hangs on my wall above my bed. This is the giant library full of books of literature and art among other things. I popped in there and found a section of books regarding how to write for television. This would have been extremely helpful had any of these books been published in this century. A lot has changed since the days of typewriters and Leave it to Beaver or has it? Anyway, I milled around and played my favorite library game: find the oldest book you can, smell it, and read from it. Yeah, I know I live an exciting and dangerous life. The book I found was from the mid-1800s and they spelled Korea as "Corea." And, the beginning was a Queen's speech about World Powers. I don't remember much after that. Guess you had to be there.
Alright it's official, my destiny has manifested itself. One day I was an innocent child with cute sunglasses in a pink tutu and now, now I am a woman who hollers at birds. There I was sitting outside the third library of the day eating a pastrami and avocado on dark rye, I looked up and a seagull was staring at me looking hungry. The old me would've found this adorable. The new (scarier) me yelled, "Go away!" and stomped my feet at the creature. I made sure the bastard didn't get a crumb of my precious sandwich and I even scowled at the goddamn tourist who came by and snapped a photo of the bird. When they say you can grow up to be anything that you want to be they leave out the, but you'll probably become something that would terrify yourself. The worst part is that the mother effing bird wasn't even scared off, it just stood there reminding me of who I had become.
Today I found a new form of hypnosis: Ice Dancing. I know I've bitched about Ice Dancing in the past (just yesterday for example), but I think I've discovered the possibilities involved with Ice Dance viewing. Seriously, it's so hypnotic. After a few minutes, you actually zone out and go into an altered state of being. My recommendation, if you want to get high, is not to watch it when the cutesy Canadian team is on, they are too good which pulls you back to reality. It is also not recommended that you watch it in a room filled with people, especially if those people include a fanatical Canadian known as a medal hunter, a girl who says "Shindler's List" seven hundred times, someone you've heard talked shit behind your back and you want to talk to but can't, and the guy who jacked up your Valentine's Day. If you can remove these obstacles you can be transported into a comfortable stupor well, until you come up for air and realize that, that woman on the screen is dressed up as a "Firebird."
Today was an extra special supper. There was a choice of crabmeat and salmon pie or sausage and onion pie. Since I am afraid of crabmeat I chose the sausage and onion. This turned out to be literally a pie crust filled with pieces of kielbasa-esque sausage. What a brilliant idea. I guess if none of my scripts sell I can move to Andorra (pretty people central) and open a sausage pie cafe. Who knew that tonight's meat pie could predict my future. Fuck tea leaves, I can read my fortune in sausage chunks.
My mother told me that she was trying to think of something fun to do. She asked my opinion. I said, "If I knew of something fun to do I would be doing it right now." Then I googled, "what are some fun things to do." The first thing on the list was bored.com. Is that supposed to be ironic? The front page of the site has games with names like, The Gun Game, Papa's Pizzeria, and my personal favorite: Bubble Guinea Pop. Apparently the last one is a game featuring guinea pigs and bubble gum. Now, I am not really sure the last time I had fun, but I do know that it did not involve guns, pizza, or guinea pigs. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong.
Tip of the Day: Animals would be a whole lot cuter if they didn't shit.
-Canadian Castaway
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