Day 165
I am going to have to own up to it: I had an unproductive day. But, I do it well. Here is my official guide to spending an unproductive day:
1. Get up and go on google talk video chat with your little brother who will take you in the stairwell of his building where he will play with a water valve screaming, "I am driving the submarine." Then he will take you to the laundry room in the building and afterwards you get to ride in the elevator with him. After that fun time you will take him into the quiet study room of your building where people are quietly studying and he will say, "Nice to meet you," to the smartest guy in your building and then your brother will say, "Here are my brass knuckles," while he holds them up to his computer camera. Eventually, he will get bored with your building because it is not as exciting as playing submarine and he will hang up.
2. You will go out to brunch with several other people who think they know everything. They will make a comment about how you surprised they with your insights in class the other day and you will respond, "What? Did you think I'm stupid?" Then you will have to listen to them talk about how much they love sushi and Japan and blah, blah, blah. Luckily, you will be distracted by the cute busboy who you will feel dirty for wanting to lick as he is probably 15.
3. After brunching for two hours (actual eating time: 20 minutes) you will head to a crappy thriftstore where you will find a mahogany hippopotamus that you will hold like it is your baby, believe the fat little thing is your baby, and then come to realize that your baby costs 50 bucks. You will buy a mug with whales on it instead and feel terrible for abandoning your offspring.
4. Then you will ride the bus where you will try to get some actual reading done that applies to school but will be too distracted by wondering about who the tiny, nicely-dressed man is across from you. You will pull the cord and realize that you do not want to get off at that stop but the bus will stop anyway, and the bus driver will say, "Anybody want to get off here?" And you will say, "I'm sorry, I changed my mind," hoping that someone will smile at you and your goofy mistake: they won't.
5. The afternoon part of your day will be particularly dull. Here are the highlights:
You will watch episodes of a TV show you've already seen.
You will call your mom and talk to her until she gets bored with you (under 5 minutes).
You will read a few things for class but it will take you twice as long as usual, and you won't remember them later, and you realize that they don't much matter anyhow.
You will look at your to do list of things you are supposed to be writing and then go on facebook for an hour.
You will decide to not go to the movie that inspires you and makes you want to listen to rock and roll non-stop. This is the worst decision you could've made but you won't realize it.
6. Then, after the lull in your day, you will go to supper where you will sit at the table of the loud guy you don't like and wonder why you always end up sitting at his table. Later you will move to another table to sit with your friends, where you will find yourself saying, "You know I liked Madame Bovary but not enough to learn French." You will also threaten to choke someone and they will ask you why you don't just do it already and it will seem awkwardly sexual. Then you will look over at the guy who wanted so desperately to come to your room last night to kiss you and shower you with phrases about how wonderful you are but you didn't let him and you will see him talking to the French girl that you specifically told him you wouldn't mind him talking to and wonder if they'd make a good couple. Then you will worry about how you are not living your life and the only thing that could save you from despair would be a 2 dollar cookie that is being sold for charity just outside the dining hall, but you won't get one because they won't be selling them anymore by the time you drag your sorry ass over there.
7. But take heart, you will go back to your room and find funny comments from a friend on your wall and you will laugh and wonder what the football she won looks like (maybe it's a Nerf Turbo). Then you will watch some Nerdfighter vlogs and an hour long JK Rowling documentary even though you've never actually read an entire Harry Potter book.
8. And the best part is you will sip sparkling wine and write a blog about it where you use the somewhat annoying second person and feel devilishly clever. But damn, a heart-shaped cookie still would've made things a whole lot better.
-Canadian Castaway
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