Day 177
Today I decided that it was time to skate outside my building. After all, I don't give a shit what the freaks here think about me skating. I strapped on a tiny bit of courage, all my gear and my skates. When I got up I realized that there was no fence for me to grab onto and get my balance like in the tennis court I broke into to skate in two weeks ago. I went a few feet realizing just how many strangers were around and cars whizzing by with their eyes on my wobbling when I looked down to see a leaf stuck in the wheel of my skate. I bent over to get it out and took a break then a car pulled up in the little turnaround lane I was skating in. The car stopped just 4 feet from me. I pretended to be adjusting my skate and monkeying around with the wheels and made a show of it all. The car finally pulled around me and up to a spot 20 feet away and idled there. Finally, after a minute of resting on the ground waiting for the gawkers to leave, I took off my skates and went inside.
After all of that I tried to convince myself that I had really got out there and did something. But, ended up going on facebook and updating my status. Instead of writing that I actually did something I wrote that I confessed my personal pussydom. Oh well, at least I got a whole lot of responses on my wall post. Even though I know that I should probably unfriend those who hit the "Like" button, but that would mean getting rid of my own brother, which would mean that I can't spy on his parade of women and him photos or have facebook chat sessions that involve him posting Johnny Cash and Ted Nugent links every other line though I am a fan of neither.
There are many people who I'd like to unfriend though and I am sure I have written about the massive Unfriending Day I want to get passed as an official holiday. This is something that stands a chance being passed in Canada seeing as they really like their holidays. The only thing that may stand in the way is that Canadians do not unfriend people as it may be considered rude. There are many people I'd like to unfriend lately, and as usual, when I am feeling hateful and fiesty I ask my bodyguard if I am being rational. He may hum made up songs to himself and burst into a Scottish accent and write about magical things but he is an excellent go-to person when I need a rational thought (scary, huh). I told him I wanted to unfriend people and he said, "Good, you should, it's healthy." There you have it. I better get busy getting healthy. Would it be too healthy to friend the skinny guy who wrote on my friend's wall that the fat and ugly people in this world are the loudest, write nasty things on his wall and then unfriend him?
Today marks the first day that I have heard from my Valentine's Day disaster date. We went from chatting everyday to going 5 days after an alleged date before he even attempts to communicate. Let me relay the conversation:
Him: Hi Emily! how are you?
Me: Okay.
Him: Are you alright?
Me: I'm fine.
Him: You don't sound like your chipper self.
Me: I'm fine.
Him: Okay.
The End. Gee, if I unfriended him I would miss out on our lovely chats. What to do? Fuck that, unfriending is too good for him. Egging him on the sidewalk sounds okay, getting a photo of him covered in yolk sounds better, posting that photo as my facebook profile pic sounds lovely. I am not bitter, just crafty (and, bitter).
Being as it was a nice day, my bodyguard and I decided to go down to the beach where our friend had spotted a giant sculpture. We didn't find the sculpture. What we found was the following:
-This beach was covered in rocks, not sand, therefore my David Hasselfhoff impersonation couldn't be put into full effect (unless of course I had one of those yellow jeeps).
-There was a dead crab. The kind of crab you see in a tank at a restaurant, except it was purple. How do I know it was purple when it was turned over dead? My bodyguard kicked it. Question: If I were to have died on the long series of steps into and out of the beach would he have kicked me too? Answer: Probably.
-A wooden postcard. In between the rocks I saw it next to a spot with a giant red candle near it as though it were some souvenir of a seance. I took it anyway and bragged about it to my bodyguard who was too busy looking out at the water instead of milling around for treasure.
-On the walk up I spotted a discarded shaver in the woods and took a picture of it. I turned to my bodyguard and declared, "It's funny how I spend all of my time in nature looking for signs of civilization." He wasn't impressed at my profundity as he was too busy looking for giant spiders which don't exist outside of his mind.
My favorite part of beach day though was when we made it back up the stairs and to a convenience-type store on campus. I never really go to this place because all of the food looks like it would be expired, but while inside I noticed something: they have a slushie machine. Not only did they have a slushie machine, but this particular slushie machine had 4 flavors of slushie, not just the traditional red and blue (whatever flavors those are). We settled upon Cream Soda, (a red varietal) and on the walk home I showed my bodyguard the proper slushie eating form. Sip, shake, melt with your hand, repeat. He didn't really catch on so he made me look like a genius.
So, the boy that I am in currently in command of brought over a movie I wanted to see tonight. Sometimes I think I'll give him a chance, he usually does whatever I say so we may actually get along, right? Nope. At first I thought it was me being picky and unaccepting (me, picky and unaccepting, never). The way that he constantly crinkled wrappers, sighed, made a weird buzzing sound, constantly wiggled his foot and sort of grunted when hot women were on screen proved that no, it was clearly him not me. Most of the time he is the type of annoying that makes you wish you carried around a bandanna and a rope so that you could gag and bind him. This night reminded me of my old friend. My friend used to say that she's an "equal opportunity dater," and I used to think that was kinda cool that she gave everyone a shot now I see it as her wasting a good chunk of her time unless she is researching the quirks of annoying people for use to exploit them when they become fictional characters in her screenplays. Hmm...
I was just burst in upon by a couple friends who drug a strange guy into my room saying, "It's okay, he's American."
Tip of the Day: If you say that you are writing a TV series it is expected that you watch like 8 hours of TV a day (right?).
-Canadian Castaway
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