Day 183
Most of this morning was spent looking up bed bugs online, and then thinking I had bed bugs, and then flipping over my box spring and mattress, and then, vacuuming for an hour and half. During this time I found two actual bugs: 1. a silverfish and 2. a tiny spider. The other part of my morning was me talking online to someone who had bed bugs once, commanding me on what to do/look for. As it stands now I do not have bed bugs, but the little black dots found in my bed have yet to be determined. They could either be bed bug shit, or coffee grounds, or sand. All I know for sure is that my floor is super clean, both found bugs are quite dead, and I never want to look at insect pictures online ever again. Because after 5 minutes of looking your skin starts to get itchy because you think they are crawling all over you and you start overturning furniture and, well--it's pretty much what it's like to be a meth addict without the mild euphoria.
This afternoon after I put away the vacuum and closed all of the internet windows opened to bugs/infestations/bug shit/bites I went with a friend to the beach. The beach is covered with giant logs. My friend and I walked the logs across the beach surface, pretending the sand was lava. This was all fine until my arch nemesis from the rez showed up. She is the girl who hates AC/DC, has a name no one can pronounce, hates on Americans, and bitches--constantly. On the long walk up the stairs (nearly 500 steps) I passed the witch and it took her an extra two minutes to get by me. Take that. Small victories are fun, but calling out her bitchiness in front of the entire dining hall would be a blast. I think I'll have to watch a few dozen teen movies where the dorky girl calls out the popular girl. Or, I could just stick a hose under her door and release bees into it like on Rushmore and be done with it, cause you know that whiner is allergic to bees (pussy). The only problem is that if she lived she'd have one more thing to bitch about. I may just have to move out, there is no beating this bitch. Well, I could be all chipper around her and mispronounce her name, that may kill her faster than swarms of bees.
I told my mother just the other day that I want to be a TV writer. Today she tells me that she hates TV because all my dad does besides smoke is sit in front of the TV set. "I feel like a single woman," she said. Now I am conflicted. Should I stick with fiction and memoir to make my mother happy, though she and my father never read my work. Or, should I give my dad something to watch, thus making my mother a single woman. Hmm, being single ain't so bad.
At supper tonight there was no room at the table filled with my friends. My only seating options were to sit at a table with 2 guys I hate or sit at my own table. So, there I was chomping down my food at my own table, looking around at everyone laughing and stuffing their faces. I never bring a book to dinner when I need to. I grabbed a newspaper and pretended to read. I can't read a newspaper they are for boring grownups well, except for the funnies and horoscopes. I do like the obituaries, but you can only read so much death into a day. So there I was, eating carrots when a familiar face came by and said, "You are sitting alone, huh?" Then she walked over to the table full of my friend's without another word. Then, two guys sat at the far side of my very large, empty table and didn't say a word to me. Maybe next time I will just take my tray to my room and watch youtube videos. Damn asshole lunchroom dramas. Well, maybe my life will be like all those high school flicks where the losers will grow into cool people later on. What they don't show you is that most of them are cool people, but still resentful of those assholes who wouldn't sit at their lunch table.
Tonight I discovered that this particular Canadian city has many drive-in and makeout spots. Sadly, I wasn't on a sucking face tour of them, but I did invent a new sport of it. While my friends and I drove past all of the parked cars I decided that if I am ever bored in the evenings all I have to do to cure this boredom is find a car. The only thing nearly as fun as necking in a parked car is driving up and shining high beams at those necking in parked cars. Note: In some cases this game is much more fun than necking in a parked car. If you are really clever, you will sneak up without lights on, have a co-pilot hanging out the window with a camera at the ready, blast the high beams on, race out of there, and post the pics online.
Now, I know that I have bellyached about raccoons, but this is ridiculous. So, when my friends and I were cruising around the makeout spots, not making out we pulled off the road to go take pictures of the night sky. As we pulled up a raccoon sat there staring for us, just waiting for us to get outside of the car. I flipped out when the little beast did not seem to go away. My friends thought he was cute. I wanted to shoot him. Seriously, the only thing keeping a raccoon from being a rodent is that occasionally they eat meat. Plus, my friends seemed like they had never even heard the word rabies before. Then, one of them described a raccoon attack that happened to a friend of ours. They still acted like it was a sin that I didn't want to cuddle with the nasty thing. It's funny, people can be deathly afraid of many things, like clowns for example, and they get understanding. But, when I am afraid/hating on something I come out like an insensitive gun-wielding asshole. Now, the little bastards are making me lose my friends. Those motherfuckers better watch their backs, or I'll make a hat outta their tails.
Tip of the Day: I read online that the secret to being healthy is to eat green stuff and move muscles until they hurt. (But, I like orange stuff.)
-Canadian Castaway
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