Day 128
So, I wish I could fill this up with exciting adventures and curious observations but it's awfully hard to do so when I didn't leave the building. I did however learn a few things during my reclusive misadventure and am willing to share.
Stuff I learned during my whiny It's-raining-so-I-can't-go-out-I-am-just-gonna-eat-all-my-food Day:
1. I need to get out. By that I mean I need to actually leave the building and not just walk twenty steps outside to get to a the Quebecois-run coke machine (seriously, it's half handwritten labels in French). And, if I actually spent some time out I wouldn't have eaten all of my food.
2. Compulsively updating your status on facebook when you aren't really doing anything is depressing not only for others but for yourself. How sad is it to try and think of something clever you are doing when you can't even leave your room because you are too lazy? Wait, actually that would've been a great update. Hmmm...
3. Reading through 18-22 page stories for class sucks. Who do my fellow classmates think they are? Huh? I have a life. I mean, I have a very demanding youtube viewing schedule to keep. Geez.
4. Marveling for hours at how productive an acquaintance by looking up stuff about him on the internet does not in any way increase your own productivity.
5. Running out of salami to snack on may be enough to put one on an anti-depressant. I blame lack of mystery meat for my slump today above all else. (except will power and self control but I am still in denial about those things)
6. When you haven't seen someone in a long while it probably isn't appropriate to say, "Fuck you" to them especially if they are your friends. But damn, that's what they get if the only productive thing you were gonna do all day was laundry and they filled the washers just before you could do it.
7. Don't look out your window when there is a two minute streak of sunshine amidst the rain there is no rainbow. Damn that sounds like Goth poetry. If I had more energy I'd first, go get more salami and second, buy some black hair dye.
8. Watching an animated movie about Israeli soldier interviews is not a good pick me up, especially if it ends showing bloated, purpled corpses. Although watching the video with a gorgeous Norwegian seemed to make it just a touch happier.
9. The Girls of Hedsor Hall is like free crack. In order to cleanse my deep sadness from the Israeli soldier film I browsed around online to find some sort of reality tv show to watch to lighten my mood. After I finished all of that Paris Hilton BFF show (my mom thinks that means, "Best Fucking Friend") I needed to fill my nasty tv void. The Girls of Hedsor Hall is the perfect fit. All of these party girls from the states get shipped off to an England finishing school to become ladies. They are taught by two hideous women, one with many chins and the other with giant teeth. There is one pretty girl who sort of hosts the show. She is a former Miss America who allegedly had some pretty party hardy ways and has since reformed but it is never explained how. On the show the girls eat ox tongue and de-feather pheasants and learn how to arrange flowers and get eliminated. This show is a prime example of why I could never, ever give up my U.S. citizenship. They just don't make tv like this in Canada.
10. Watching television can make you change who you are. The Girls of Hedsor Hall are learning to respect themselves and I, along with them, are learning to do the same. See you really can learn something from television that isn't Sesame Street. Like, for example I am not going to go around making out with total strangers anymore it is not respectful. And, I will never wield a knife or become an online porn actress in the event that these things get on film and I become a contestant on The Girls of Hedsor Hall. These are not things ladies do, according to the show. I am not really sure though exactly what it is that ladies do and why it is so important to be one.
So, I guess you don't have to go out into the world to learn things. Plus, when you vow not to makeout with strangers staying in your own room alone really helps. How long can I keep this up before going back out into the world? Well, find someone to deliver my salami who isn't a make-out-able stranger and it could be years.
-Canadian Castaway
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