Day 149
Roller Skate Training Day 1:
There was one thing that I learned from the movie, Julie and Julia and that thing is that during the course of that film both women tried something new and saw it through to fruition and thus changed who they were which gave them a personal power and a drive to continue this ridiculous game of life (not the awesome Game of Life boardgame which is waaay better because it's much easier to get along with plastic people). The point is that idea of trying something seemingly hard and ridiculous crossed with seeing Whip It and feeling like a fat ass and having uncontrollable PMS, and the fact that I used to work at a bar that supported the derby and was told to join several times by the players has led me to spend a ridiculous sum of money ($330) on skates and gear and possess a dream to join the local derby. Today was my very first day on wheels and here is what happened:
The kneepads I bought are still too small I found out. I don't know why exactly but I imagined my thighs shrinking overnight and them fitting perfectly in the morning. Apparently, I need a fairy godmother to make this shit happen. Perhaps I'll put an add on Craigslist.
I flopped around my room for quite a long time slamming alternately into my door and cupboards with an occasional bed flop. The bed flopping was accidental but at the time I was able to trick myself into thinking that it was not only intentional but also that I was doing some sort of awesome Olympic-esque landing.
I took off my kneepads after I feared that my circulation was being compromised. It was a short time after that when I got cocky. I went out into the hallway. At first the plan was to just skate down to see if my friend was around but it escalated. The first pass down the hallway went so well I made a few more and a few more, gaining speed. I thought I heard someone approaching so I tried to both look cool and make a quick getaway. I don't know what happened but my wrist and left knee got smacked and I was on the ground. When I made it back to my room, cautiously and without pride, I pulled up my leggings. My knee was raw from rug burn and flakes of my skin and flesh were everywhere. What was worse than the pain was the fact that I knew I couldn't bitch about it because it all could've been prevented with the wrist guard and knee pads that were sitting in my room. So I did what anyone would do in my position: I did a photo shoot of myself making pathetic faces displaying my injury.
After I ditched out on my friend to grab a sandwich I sat in the courtyard of my building nibbling enjoying the fact that it is January and it was almost 60 degrees outside. I decided to call my father to brag. Here are the two things we talked about during our hour-long chat:
1. There is a new food item at Wendy's. He couldn't remember the name of it but it had to do with Asian, Spicy, and Chicken. He described how he wanted to try something new and how it came in a little box and it was in pieces covered in sauce and how it was much spicier than he imagined it would be but, "boy, was it tasty." He also told me that he washed it down with a vanilla frosty. This part of the conversation took a half an hour with much repetition and excitement on his end.
2. The other half an hour was spent telling me that I am a "pissbaby" and that I would never make it in the roller derby because of it. After 25 minutes of his laughing and "pissbaby" name calling he said, "Wait, are you serious about this?" I told him I was and then he said, "Okay" long pause, "I guess I spoke too soon. Uhhh." He seemed remorseful for the remaining 4 minutes of our conversation and I thanked him for the talk and told him it was okay that he called me a "pissbaby" and that I expect it of him. He apologized again and again. But, the peculiar thing is that when I called my mother later on and she asked what we talked about and I told her Wendy's and the fact that I am a "pissbaby" my mother said, "Your father called you a pissbaby?" and I heard his muffled laughter in the background. Apparently, pissbabies have excellent hearing, good to know.
So tonight at work after I got blitzed on whiskey while doing the dishes I ended up at the Indian dance party going on in the lounge. Two of my friends were there an Indian girl who hates Indian men and a chubby Chinese guy who keeps telling me he wants blonde babies but won't let me touch him. The room was full of beautiful brown men. I ended up in a dance lesson in the middle of the crowd (who by the way were not yet dancing). I was getting the lesson from my Chinese friend who doesn't want to touch me. He gave up after ten minutes and told me I could not be his dance partner in his weekly dance class. The Indian dance party didn't get much better than that.
Tonight I learned how to use google talk. I have had a gmail account for months without ever using it but when I learned that I can finally make use of my webcam through gmail I thought I should give it a try and now I want to throw away my cellphone and get rid of my email accounts. There is nothing better than video chat. It is so much more entertaining to chat with someone when you can give them a mini freakshow like showing them your helmet and your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle poster and the a picture of a freaky cult that hangs on your wall, and your magical crystal and every animal in your plastic farm. When you run out of things to show the camera you can always start making funny faces and doing your hair and makeup. But, always make sure to nod every so often or say, "Yeah" so your fellow google talker thinks you are paying attention and won't close the chat.
-Canadian Castaway
-Canadian Castaway
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