Day 150
You know yahoo.ca news is without a doubt Canadian even if it weren't for the .ca as every other day or so there is a headline mixed in along with the dating tips and world news topics that is about a hockey fight. Today's fight was a video of Russian kids under the age of 10 beating the crap out of each other in an oddly near noiseless arena. The footage was shot from what looked like a cellphone camera. I wonder if I saved all of these fight videos I could make an hour long documentary on Canadian dirty pleasures set to the soundtrack of "Oh, Canada" on a loop.
After my bodyguard and I argued on the bus for 12 minutes about how we are going to beat each other up we got off and started walking and he made sounds. Somehow, I knew that these were not words. My eyes flipped to him.
"What?" he asks.
"I don't think I wanna know," I say.
"Know what?"
"What you were just saying."
"I wasn't saying anything," he says.
"I heard you."
"I was just speaking in tongues."
"..."
"I am summoning the Antichrist."
So when we were talking about who would kick whose ass (him or me) nobody ever said anything about summoning up demonic powers. Asshole.
Roller Derby Training Day 2:
So, after taking a close look at my knee injury from yesterday to note that it is the size of four twoonies in a cloverleaf pattern and feeling the aching nerves in my forearm I thought I wouldn't get back on my skates possibly ever. Not even an hour later I was back on them in full pads plus helmet. But, I was too afraid to leave my room. I scooted around carrying my coffee mug thinking I was pretty awesome and trying to trick myself into believing that I had improved. My bodyguard suggested I go outside to skate and I told him I would, after a couple more weeks indoors.
So when I went out today I made notes Harriet-the-Spy style in my notebook. Tips based on other people around me for example: Don't be the girl on the bus texting with someone and have your new message sound be annoying and loud or don't walk around with your mouth hanging open, EVER--it makes one look stupid. But, what I really enjoyed now that I look back through my "Naughty" notebook notes was when I saw two old ladies walking down the street and I made notes of what to wear should I get to be REALLY old. Here's what I learned: wearing plaid pants is good but coupling them with bright white sneakers and a coat with ponies on it is better. A fluffy beret goes well with any ensemble. But, to stick with your outfit's originality you should probably bedazzle your cane or it could ruin the whole outfit. Plus, make sure if you do not have pretty white permed hair make your hair ultra frizzy and stand up on end.
After yesterday's excitement over getting a google talk account I waited all day for someone to video chat with me. Nobody wanted to. Now, I hate google talk. But, that doesn't stop me from logging on all goggly-eyed hopeful every ten minutes. Who would I get to chat with me if I were to put an add on Craigslist? "Looking for someone to google talk with video-style. Must like looking at my plastic farm animals close up on the camera."
Alright, I am off to check my google talk...you never know.
-Canadian Castaway
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