Day 144
So, today I found a new venue for picking up men: the Comicon. The place is crawling with men you wouldn't want to date but sometimes there is that one Jack Black-y type sitting at a table next to a woman with thick glasses and an ugly haircut selling something else but you will never remember what. Anyway, go up to the man and let him give you his pitch about his comicbook series and nod and smile and bring up that you too are a writer (well, if that means not writing anything at all, which it does) and tell him the name of the pub you work at. Then go home and creep him online for an hour and wonder if you should send him a message, chat with your friend about it for another hour and finally go out with your friends and try to forget about it. Then, when you get home, look at craigslist "missed connections" and be shocked and heartbroken that he didn't write one for you.
Note: The facebook chat lover of mine who turned out to not actually be hitting on me and apologized has now unfriended me. Not all is bad I guess, because at least I thought for a minute about how ridiculous he is and about how silly the word, "unfriend" is.
Tonight at the Christmas party the pub staff through themselves in protest to the Christmas party our management was offering (which was stupid because we had to pay for our own drinks and food and there weren't any presents) I learned that one of my shyest co-workers did a lap dance for 20 bucks. My Hungarian friend looked shocked at the price she said, "I would charge 500 bucks for a half hour." To which I said, "Jesus, you know how much you'd charge?" To which she looked me in the eye and with a straight face said, "Of course I am Eastern European."
I just clicked on a facebook ad that said, "I AM A STUFFED ANIMAL" it took me to the I AM A STUFFED ANIMAL fan page to find that there were 1,999 fans of this page the only info in the info section was a link to a website (you guessed it, iamastuffedanimal.com) where you can send in a photo and have that photo turned into a drawing and that drawing turned into what is called, "A Buddy" which is essentially a $65 stuffed caricature of yourself with a Hulk Hogan body type. At first I laughed at the idea and but then I realized that I was reading the FAQ section where I learned things like, "They are about 14″ tall and 11″ wide (hand to hand). Plenty big for some good ol’ fashioned rough-housing." I want one of these. Is it weird that I would rather cuddle up with a stuffed animal of myself in bed at night than any of the members of Hanson or is it progress?
Maybe I just may become that 2,000th friend, afterall I do get a charge out of looking at people who post photos of them and their new "Buddy" especially the people who obviously got one for Christmas but would rather have gotten a new chainsaw or the ones that had their pet turned into a "Buddy."
-Canadian Castaway
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