Day 130
I have begun to crack, all of this trying to be a lady is reversing itself and now I am combating with how to be just bitchy enough that I am not homicidal. My Dutch friend asked me if I got out of bed on the wrong leg. I should've said, "I got out of bed in the wrong person." (would it have been better to get out of bed on the wrong person?) Things had been going so well during my ascent to graceful, poised ladyhood until today. I am not really sure how it started but I have been blaming it on horomones all day (no one can disprove that theory, or are too afraid to given the tone in which it was intoned).
The fact that everyone was eating without me this morning pissed me off. The fact that I was shooed away by this girl who was showing a video of Carmen Sandiago's band pissed me off. Hey! I liked that band, too. Other things too like the realization that somehow (salami?) I have gotten fatter. How this little kid could be heard on the bus through my gigantic headphones playing shitty shuffled songs. Really, tell your brat it's rude to yell or try birth control or get him a fucking hearing aid. Then my flipping bodyguard tells me I am paranoid (for the twelfth fucking time, who is paranoid now). Then my friend at the airport is mocking how much I am on facebook and then this perfectly wonderful guy tells me he loves me when I am freaking out being a witch which sorta made me want to punch him. But, I am not one to complain.
After I marched my fat ass around town. The bus left me with me out of breath 15 steps away, somehow I couldn't get up to top speed. Anyway, I finally made it to a bus stop. I stood there with my in public don't-mess-with-me scowl which I didn't have to fake for the first fucking time, ever. I looked to my left and saw a snow-capped mountain. It is super hard to be pissed off at nature's beauty but believe me it is not impossible. Who did those mountains think they were just existing to remind me that I couldn't haul my ass up one or have the balls to ski down one. Fuck them. I oughta level the whole thing and build a shopping mall with a U.S. flag on the top. Oh my homelands where we know how to handle the extreme beauty of nature. i.e. carve our presidents faces into it or declare it a park and charge to get in.
My residence hall had it's first dining hall supper since December 18th today. In the dining hall I realized that with the change of semester comes new students. With new students come new male students. You get me. Anyway, one of these new males sat at my table this evening. Sure, I tried to be ladylike but a few "Fuck you's" and excessive laughs and gratuitous insults came out. Maybe he doesn't have a good grasp on English. So there he sat in his striped sweater, introducing himself and smiling my way. Finally, my day had picked up. That is when I should've left. As the next thing I knew my slim brown-haired (and btw, freakishly pigeon-toed) friend came ambling up. She smiled. I don't know what men see in her she always looks like she's wasted, oh yeah lots of men like wasted girls (Reason 68 why I am pissed off today). Where should my smiley new friend's eyes gaze but at her. He gave her tits a bigger smile than he had given me all throughout dinner.
I am wondering right now if there is some sort of midnight prayer service going on so some people could pray to get me a better tomorrow.
-Canadian Castaway
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