Snowed in Day 3, Shoveling Sucker, Walters vs. Lambert

Day 105

Today both of my parents and me were snowed in for the third day in a row. I spent the day cleaning out my little brother's bedroom while he spent the day with a man who is allegedly going to turn him into a millionaire. In his bedroom many boxes are stored from several houses my parents have cleaned out. There was a box of old pictures of relatives my mother secretly threw away half of them. She said, "Don't tell your Dad."

The craziest thing we found in the room was a garbage bag filled with my late uncle's briefs. When you think about your death you imagine who would come to your funeral not where your underwear is going to end up. Maybe we should all reassess our priorities or include an underwear clause in our wills. But the worst part about the entire thing is when my mother called, "Hey Dad, what size underwear do you wear?"

The only other exciting thing that happened today was me shoveling snow. I went out with my Dad's size 13 boots on and a hat that kept sliding down into my eyes while the snow blew off the roof trapping me in a real life snowglobe. All of this was fine even a little nostalgic (I ate some snow). But then I saw her. I saw my parents 85 year old neighbor outside alternately blowing and shoveling snow. That is great I thought, that she is out there doing it. After 10 minutes of shoveling I looked over and wondered how much I would have to pay her to finish my job.

This evening my mother and I watched a Barbara Walters special on the 10 most fascinating people of the year. There were some that were predictable like Michelle Obama and Sarah Palin but what shocked me was that Adam Lambert made the cut. Are we really all that shocked that he kissed someone onstage and faked oral sex? Seriously, anyone ever watch a Britney Spears video. Her sexual overtures are much more vivid than little Adam playing sucky face. Barbara Walters should've replaced him with herself, 80 years old and still reporting and looking younger than she did a decade ago now that is fascinating. Especially how there is a line bisecting her face near her mouth that makes her look like a ventriloquist dummy.

Tomorrow I am venturing out into the world with my father. That ought to be much more exciting especially if I get him preaching on illegal aliens (his favorite topic).

-Canadian (U.S.) Castaway

What I miss about Canada today is: Absolutely everything.

Note: For those of you who read my blog yesterday my bodyguard did finally write me and he said that the party was, "lovely."