Day 106
So, I am still in the U.S. and I don't have much to report as I spent the day with my father. He had a doctor appointment and didn't trust that I could drop him off safely due to my winter driving skills (NOTE: I have been driving every winter for 10 years without an accident) so he dropped me off at a ShopKo (like a Target store but not quite so fancy) where I had to stay for nearly 3 hours before he came to get me. By the time that was over I should be able to apply for a managerial position in the store as I know where everything is and almost had enough time to memorize the prices and barcode numbers.
We finally made it to a Baker's Square. I tried to keep him from harassing the waitstaff and failed. He bitched loudly about the slow service BEFORE we got our food. This made me second guess the motives of our server when she came by and asked how my meal was tasting and commented that my particular salad had "so many things" in it. Hmm... Thanks, Dad. He also commented on the manager type lady who was hanging a Christmas garland. He made sure she knew that she was doing it wrong as though he'd personally hung garland there every year.
But, he did say two things today that made me giggle:
1. I asked him why he never shelled out the dough for me and my brother to get braces on our teeth and he said, "we got you shoes, couldn't have both." So apparently my brother and I have crooked teeth so we could have covered feet. My parents were both middle class working folk when I grew up and it's not like they were Evangelical with 10 kids.
2. When my father was driving he went on a rant about cellphone bills and how he booted my brother off the family plan because he wanted the newest gadget-y high tech phones. After 20 minutes of ranting he said, "Send him to Target with a 20 dollar bill and he can get a fricking Trac phone."
Other than those things nothing all that thrilling occurred. I shoveled out my brother's car and played some cards with my mother and watched most of Craig Ferguson. Howie Mandel was on the show and he came out wearing some sort of wannabe punk rock trendy ninja outfit and went on and on about how he doesn't touch anything, ever. He even wrote a book called, Don't Touch Me and told a story about how he used to wash his hands in sanitizer buckets when he had a talk show and how he got warts from it. I was impressed Howie is waaaaay creepier than I thought possible and to think he has children. How do you have sex without physical contact? I want to see a Howie sex tape. Does that make me a perv?
Well, I probably won't be blogging tomorrow as I will be attending a ridiculous karaoke party thrown in my honor. Well, is it thrown in your honor if you are the one throwing it? Who cares there may be an ice cream cake there.
-Canadian (U.S.) Castaway
My apologies for not keeping up with things but I am on a vacation, I guess. Matt Groening was quoted in Reader's Digest saying, "Families are about love overcoming emotional torture." Let's hope I don't run out of love.
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