Day 89
Once again it was tater tot day. And, once again I ate 19 tater tots and eggs and felt like I was gonna puke on my way to school. The first class of the day we workshopped a story (translation: sat around and tore apart a short story by a classmate) that had a main character who was a Sasquatch. The story itself was sort of weak and I didn't believe any of the dialogue between the human characters but, a lively debate ensued regarding the Sasquatch. Two students went totally off on the Sasquatch and it's history and the like. I tried to become involved in the debate (mostly to keep the tater tots at bay). I said, "Why are is the Sasquatch afraid of the humans in the first place?" And, they threw out the question as though I had asked them if MJ stands for Michael Jackson. Thank God they left out the, "Duh!" But, I still don't know why the damn hairy beast is afraid of humans. Fucking pussy Sasquatch
The only interesting part about the second class of the day was how much knitting I got done during it. I am kicking myself for all of those weeks when I thought that knitting during class would be disruptive and rude. Jesus, just think about how much I could've accomplished. Afterwards I fled the building with the silly notion that I would get some writing done this afternoon. Apparently, my idea of writing consists of watching every 1980s Bon Jovi video on youtube and pretending that he is singing to me and pretending that his hair is still that huge. Although I think his keys player was better looking at some points.
At dinner tonight I sat next to the Indian dude I proposed to the other day, not to be confused with the Indian dude who is my bodyguard or the Indian dude who is my co-worker who I kissed the other day or the Indian dude who is also my co-worker but a slavedriver. After I tried to steal his pear for quite awhile (he actually offered it to me and then retracted his offer) there was a lull in the conversation so I said my usual, "What the hell did you do all day?" and he said, "I worked." "And?" And, then he mumbled something I couldn't make out so I said, "What?!" And, he said, "And, I thought about you for the rest of the day." If he had started singing, "I'll Be There For You" after he said that I would have to be extracted by three large security guards from his body.
You may be an alcoholic if...
A friend of yours pops up facebook chat at random with the line, "Are you drunk again?" And, you realize that not only are you drinking wine but it is almost gone. And, you start to panic. If that's not bad enough she asks, "Why are you drinking?" Like I want to get into that. I am drinking to avoid getting into that is what I should've wrote instead I wrote, "Stupid feelings." I guess that made sense to her as she was all, I know what you mean. And, then said, I drink wine, too. I don't know if this is supposed to make any of us feel better seeing as we both drink wine alone in front of our computer screens. Geez, who knew being an adult would be so fun?
Speaking of drinking this year, it is my brother's turn to purchase the liqueur we hide under the bathroom sink at Christmas time. I reminded him of this via facebook and informed him that it is to be me that gets totally smashed before the evening church service and not him. He has not yet written back. I wonder if he even remembers copying down psalms into his cell phone and turning to me every few seconds to proclaim at above a whisper, "This shit is so fucked up." Goddamit, I may be to old to get drunk and make a scene at church. Ohh, wasted youth.
So, I thought it would be good to sign up for AIM seeing as Facebook chat is an annoying slutty cousin. I signed up and all of a sudden my homepage is AOL and I have a toolbar I can't get rid of and have no use for and the real bitch is that I can't cancel my account. I searched the Help feature to find that it is possible to cancel, there were even illustrations of what menus to go to and click on. Which was all great except, the cancellation button was not offered on my page. I panicked. After a half hour of attempts I resigned to the fact that I will never get rid of AOL, ever. And, in protest, I will never EVER use my account. I reset my homepage to yahoo and thought I would get on with my life. Yeah, right, things are never so easy. Now, every time I get on the internet the AOL toolbar shows up. I kept deleting it and it kept showing up now I am trying a new technique, pretending that it's not there. Which isn't working. Shit, if I were any good at pretending I would pretend I was rich, attractive, and talented I wouldn't waste my efforts on a piddly little tool bar.
Let's see, nothing much else happened today. More tomorrow given that it is more exciting than today. I am scared to read my horoscope and find out. I should probably never read that shit again because even though I think it's truly bullshit at the core I believe every word. For example, today I didn't even speak to my bodyguard as my horoscope that I would deeply offend someone and his said that someone would deeply offend him. But, now I am wondering how he is doing. Frak.
-Canadian Castaway
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