Patriotism, Kicking Ennui's Ass Commerce-style, Computer Science Rules, Helpful Hints

Day 79

Let's make this quick I've got to go and surf the TV. After my shift at the bar tonight (more on that later) I had a drink and hung around a ragtag group of Persian men. But, after only 20 minutes all I could think about was going home and surfing the tube. What does that mean? That I have agoraphobia? Or, that I am undoubtedly American. Funny, who knew that needing to watch TV was a patriotic cause. Guess I am pretty damn loyal to the red, white and blue maybe that'll make up for the fact that I moved to Canada.

Anyway, most of the day was spent in a stupor of sadness and possibly even homesickness. My best friend in the entire world (that's right I have friends they are just in a different country, that's all) called up with the sort of problem that made me cry for not being there with him but as it turns out was an absolute misunderstanding that we will both find insanely humorous if we are still alive 20 years from now and in a dive bar remembering the good old days.

But, we are in the present time so I fretted and milled over the his issue and the fact that I wasn't there. Who was I to go off to grad school when I had a friend back home? So, how did I get out of this slump? Well, I got on a bus and cried for a bit while listening to Green Day on my I-pod and I rode for 45 minutes to get to Claire's and bought 53 bucks worth of cheap little girl jewelry. I think I am onto a medical breakthrough. Perhaps, we don't really need Prozac or Xanax to make us feel better we just need public transport, Green Day, and cheap commerce (though it adds up, fucking 50 dollars). Maybe I could get a degree and work in the medical profession promoting this type of self healing. Who would I succumb to first, drug company money or Claire's kickbacks?

Tonight I got to bartend the Computer Science party. It was all foreign guys, guys with ponytails and three girls; one with a ponytail, one who was brought along by someone and one with gigantic upper arms (sister, I feel your pain). There was also Jenga, Sequence, brainiac games I don't know the names of that involve taking over parts of a board, chess, and Nintendo AND Atari. After I couldn't take the other bartender asking me personal questions any longer (Are you gay or straight? Who is your boyfriend? Why are you not wanting to answer my questions? Why don't you open up?) I sat next to the Nintendo players and had the following scene:

ME

Hey, I'm gonna hide out here for awhile.

Nintendo guy, 24, polo shirt, pleated khakis type turns to ME in shock.

NINTENDO GUY

Hi, (flings out hand) I'm David. What's your name?

ME

(shaking hand)

Umm, I'm Emily. I see you're playing Nintendo. Mario, huh?

NINTENDO GUY rips controller from his friend next to him.

NINTENDO GUY

(shoving controller in ME's face)

Here, you can play? You can play! You can be Luigi.

I played for a little while totally sucking but he never made fun of me and that's when I realized that the Computer Science party was cool, well that and every time I eavesdropped on somebody they were talking about exponents.

Well, I have to get to channel surfing, more tomorrow. I'll leave you with a few tips.

Tips of the Day: When washing a pair of scissors do not rub the blade between your fingertips. Calling someone 'duck fuck' can be quite effective, though I am just not sure as to how.

-Canadian Castaway