Day 91
I woke up at 9 realized that there were no tots today and slept an extra two hours. Seriously, what's the point of breakfast with no tots? The next few hours I played a little game that I call, Avoidance. So, instead of writing you tool around facebook (get in a nasty fight with fake husband), then yahoo, then youtube, then you read a non-required story or three, then you drink a pot of coffee and repeat until a friend of yours beckons you out into the rain. You tell yourself that you are going to comfort her as she has just been rejected a series of times and is a little down but you know that it is also (mostly?) because you are sick of playing Avoidance that you venture out. (weird, 2nd person shift tense shift kinda makes me feel in command. I'm gonna go with it)
Then you trudge up to the bus, hop on and realize that riding the bus alone is quite boring so you text like 5 people who don't text you back. You wait for something exciting to happen amongst the passengers (this rarely happens in the day time unless there is a baby aboard). So, you get off the bus with the intention of being that ultra supportive friend. You imagine yourself hugging your friend in distress and improv-ing all sorts of inspirational, comfort wisdom. This doesn't happen. Instead, you and your friend chat for a few minutes and then go out and buy 60 bucks worth of accessories. Then you and your friend laugh about how you both sometimes fancy yourselves wealthy. This is becoming less true you realize and say a silent wish that one day you will look back on this as a quaint memory while you are driving your BMW down a highway.
Okay, now I am getting annoyed with the 2nd person. So, we met up with a large group of friends for Szechuan. When you walk in you see two tanks one full of lobster and the other filled with giant crabs. I was unfazed by the lobster but the crabs looked inviting. I peered into their tank to find the largest one looking right at me. Well, I think he was looking right at me I am not sure if those were eyes or feelers. Do crabs have feelers? Anyway, I felt like we shared a moment. So much so that when we ordered food to share I announced that I would not be eating crab as I had just had a conference with one of them.
There was a giant lazy susan in the middle of our huge round table. I started spinning it and knocked over a water glass. And, got teased and yelled at. Apparently, I am an idiot child in the eyes of my peers. Later in the evening someone even asked, while looking at me, "How'd she get into the program?" Isn't it great to have friends?
So, I ate the squid. For the first time I ate the squid. It wasn't so bad. It was actually quite addicting. I said, "I wonder how big the squid was." This was a ridiculous question, I guess. The only person who didn't scoff at it was my bodyguard. Then I said, "What? I didn't think that was a ridiculous question." Nobody said anything.
The best part was the waiter who had a flirting addiction but apparently only for me. He called me "baby" and said that he wanted to go out for drinks with us after the play we were attending. Which would have been very flattering except that it would be impossible for him to be a grandfather.
The play we (all the writing students) attended was an adaptation of a Murakami story. The venue was pretty much at a stage between a restaurant and a library of books only in French. The show itself had a giant frog man, the hottest Asian man I'd ever seen, and a cute little girl in it with a jaw stretching problem. I had a fidget attack during the play and especially afterward during the Q and A section. My bodyguard said I was like a puppy in that I can't sit still and then he said that I should take a Prozac before I went out. Tell me again why I like him? How do you tell your bodyguard that part of the reason you are so fucking fidgety is because you desperately want to (mushy alert) hold his hand?
We all followed the man who played a frog. Who, as it turns out, was on the TV show Battlestar Gallactica. Which is totally odd considering that instead of saying "fuck" I have been saying "frak" lately. This is apparently from that show. All I know is that it annoyed the hell out of my friends back home when I said it. Anyway, we followed the frog to a cheesecake place with the promise of sweets and booze. There were just sweets. But, the special of the day was vanilla cheesecake with chocolate sauce and pears. And, if that wasn't enough, the women's bathroom was closed. This may sound like an inconvenience, and it would've been, except that the employee bathroom had now been open for the women to use. The employee bathroom had a giant copy of that Burt Reynolds naked on a bear skin rug photo as its only decoration.
Halfway through our sober cheesecake party I wanted to go home. When we finally got out of there and I paid for a cider I didn't drink I found out my umbrella had broken. It could've been from stepping on it under the table. Anyway, we rode the bus for a good deal and I was able to nod along and fake a good mood. The only interesting thing was that a homeless guy got on a with a full garbage bag, not uncommon, but he also was carrying a mask. As soon as he got on the bus he saw the five of us and held up the mask, proudly. It looked like a mardi gras mask. It was black with gold and silver accents along with a lion-like black and peacock feather pattern fluffing the edges. He announced that he thought it may be a death mask and that he was wondering whose head the "hair" (feathers) came from. He noticed my new peacock headband (is there irony there?) And, apparently (I didn't hear this) offered the mask to me. My friend politely declined. I sat there in my Eeyore cloud of self-imposed sorrow wondering how he knew that I wanted to wear a mask at that moment.
On the walk home I cried and my umbrella broke. I dragged it behind me in an attempt at having a prop for my patheticness (I didn't need a prop, my face was enough). My bodyguard made me throw it away. He asked questions about why I was upset. He asked me if I was homesick. He asked if I wanted a hug (I did, but I turned him down). We walked on for quite awhile. My heart screaming, "Yes, I want to talk." But, I said nothing, just as the Murakami character did in the play. In the play he didn't know how to tell his good friend that he had feelings for her and his friend ended up marrying someone else. He was sad for many years and finally won her heart. I guess I am just at the beginning of waiting and hopefully even if he gets married I will get him in the end. Because when he said, "You can tell me." All I said was, "No, I can't."
Hopefully, this Eeyore cloud will pass soon. If not maybe I should invest in a sun lamp or actually get Prozac. Nah, fuck it all I need is a trip to the candystore and a good breakfast. Although coming home to fairy crowns, bags of glitter, and wings helped. Did I mention that there is a party tomorrow called, Dance of the Centaurs? And, that I am going as a fairy. Yes, dear reader, I have lost it.
-Canadian Castaway
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