Day 37
Today, a friend suggested that I go to a giant sporting goods store. She handed me her membership card wrapped in a post-note filled with directions. I set out on my quest to find an appropriate backpack and find out what all the hype surrounding this so-called superstore was about. I mean shit, if you had to be a member to shop there it must be good, right?
After riding a crowded bus for an hour with my seatmate's homework sprawled across my bag I exited the bus and followed the post-it notes directions, "walk a couple blocks". The street looked like derelict breeding grounds, although the people looked somehow normalish. And then minor league sporting good stores started sprouting every other storefront. Until I saw it, a half a block's worth of green awning. I pushed through the door.
Inside the place was roaming with customers who looked like taking regular showers would ruin their street cred. I tried to fit in, handling first aid kits and travel mugs that cost 20 bucks. I saw hooks for climbing and harnesses and finally wandered into the backpack section. The packs hung in long rows, cost at least 50 bucks each and could hold the entire contents of my apartment. Which would be awesome if they came with Scandinavian giant men to haul them around for you. I turned a few corners and found the sissy "day" packs. But, who wants one of those when you've seen the big guns. I wandered on.
Soon, I found two sections of interest: woman's clothing and the space (dried) food section. I looked at the woman's clothes wondering two things, 1. Where are all of the fat people clothes. (Oh wait, they don't go outdoors, right? It'd still be nice to be thought of goddamnit) and 2. Are there men who think that women in this waterproof, flame-retardant clothing are hot? Weird. The space food section was infiltrated with entire packaged meals freeze-dried and fancy stuff like black bean spreads and the like. I floated gleefully around the section, determined to find the freeze-dried ice cream. The only thing that came close was the 4 dollar protein bars.
I guess the entire day wasn't wasted, I'll know to never go there again. Nah, I gotta be honest with myself I wasted a day at a member-only hippie outdoor store with a bunch of stinky creeps who don't eat sweets. How lucky I am I've always wanted to see a freakshow.
Besides the disaster that was the outdoor store not much happened of major import just a few odds and ends like:
My Indian bodyguard told me that he didn't really want a hat that I made for him because he wants a fedora. Isn't he fancy?
I imagined a kooky love story for myself involving me putting up a note on the bulletin board of my department looking for the 20 year old from the bar the other day. We would exchange notes and fall in love and tell our grandkids the story of how we met and they would write, direct, and produce a blockbuster film about it and we would be legendary. But, it probably won't happen.
I was forced to read a short story about a medical situation. I almost puked on the bus from it AND nothing exciting happened in the story, at all. Then I got home only to realize that I probably didn't need to read the story.
I went to the coffeeshop I found the other day only to realize that their coffee tastes like tea.
I either pissed off or made the day of some girl who works at the Pita Pit by my unrehearsed exhibit of stupidity.
And, I came across a blind guy in the street tapping his stick everywhere. When I got up to him he started talking to me and asking me where he was. He, apparently, lives next door to me so I offered to walk him home. He laced a hand onto my elbow and moved it around as we walked keeping me close and feeling up my forearm a little. I saw him to his door (that is a really sick way of putting it, I should be jailed). He thanked me and told me to come by anytime. I walked away wondering why he rubbed on my arm so much, (I had another blind friend that I walked around a lot and he never did that) was it a come on? I rubbed my elbow area and realized that the texture of my sweater was amazing and perhaps would be slightly confusing to someone who only senses feel. Then, I felt like an idiot. Why do I always think everyone is coming onto me?
To round out my ridiculous day I set up to watch the movie, "Parents" in the TV room with two friends. The movie was recommended to me as a horror spoof. Which it could've been but it was a touch to serious. Maybe the plot was spoofy, a boy who realizes his parents are cannibals, I don't know. ANYWAY, usually I prefer to watch movies alone, but today I realized the joy of companionship. Not only did I have people to guess the plot of the movie with but, one of my friends went on and on about how she was going to have nightmares from the movie. Hahahaha. Should I go pound on her door in the middle of the night? Shit, the evilness is starting to rub off on me, hopefully I won't start eating my neighbors. Maybe I ought to rethink this whole vegetarian thing because with the right sauce...
-Canadian Castaway
No comments:
Post a Comment