Day 56
I was excited to go to the bank today to see my friend Hussein. He was standing at his podium when I came in (yeah, he has a podium) wearing his suit and tie but he was talking to a lady. I was immediately jealous. Anyway, I hopped in line and he snuck around behind me moments later and said, "Can I--hey, it's you." We greeted each other and then he started in. "What are you doing here today?" "Oh, I am depositing a check," I said, taken aback by his uncharacteristic nosiness. He then made a grand gesture to the wall of ATMs.
"Let me show you how to use the ATM, hmm?" I politely refused and confessed to him that I didn't trust the machines. He then gave me a presentation on what exactly happens when you make a deposit on the ATM machine. I refused again. and apologized. What the hell is this? Why was I apologizing? He persisted, saying that he'd help me and that there is no way the machine would mess up and yada, yada, "trust me," blah... Again, I refused and apologized (I am such a f-ing Canadian). Finally, he turned his back to me and greeted another bank customer with the same tone he'd originally had with me. I am starting to think we were never friends in the first place. Should I get a different bank, seeing as it's going to be awkward now? God, I am such a sucker for customer service false niceties. Oh well, I guess I can cross him off my birthday party guest list, I wonder what kind of gift he would've brought.
After the bank fiasco I was feeling a little broken hearted so I went to visit my friend Mr. Anderson. As in Sherwood Anderson! What, don't you know your American authors from the 1920's and 30's? Maybe if you turned off the Intervention for once...(nah, wait a minute I LOVE Intervention) Anyway, I found Sherwood's books and sat in the aisle of the bookcases. It was awesome. I was there for hours the only problem was that people walking by would gawk at me as if I were a shitting giraffe at the zoo. If only I could find a way to seal off the ends of the rows so that nobody could see in. Forget childhood hide-under-the-blanket-that-are-over-the chairs type hideaways they are boring once you are inside them, unless you bring snacks. In my library fort you would be surrounded by all of your friends and never bored (well, if you are a lonely bookworm that is). I suppose I could bring two huge sheets and write, "Emily's Secret Clubhouse" on them and hang them from on the ends of the rows. But, then I would have to make up a secret handshake and a password and write a manifesto and let other people in my fort. It's so hard to build a fort these days.
My free trial of Microsoft Office 2007 just ran out. Apparently, it no longer functions after that. I called my brother and asked him where I could download a version of it (those bastards only let me have one free trial, I'm still thinking about it) and he said, "I don't know go and buy it." He then told me that at his University bookstore it was only like ten bucks for a student.
I ran to the bookstore. I'd pay ten bucks for just about anything. Say, $10.50 and I refuse but 10... Anyway, I get there and see Microsoft Office 2007 behind a glass case. I get up close to it and the price tag reads like $179 bucks or something. That's insane! I thought computers came with this kind of shit but no, it's like a million dollars to be able to make your computer do anything useful. I can't decide if I should transfer to my brother's school or kill him for giving me false hope. $179 bucks, shit, I'm gonna have to quit drinking for a month to come up with that kind of money. Too bad I don't have any rich relatives that I hate that are fond of me and about to kick off. I think I'll beer the most.
Today I won three games of pool, in a row. (well, twice by default, but who cares) I also did something I haven't done since I was a naughty little girl in daycare. I hit someone. It was sorta by accident, I was trying to put him into a death grip hold and he moved and I nabbed him in the jaw (geez, it sounds bad when you write it out). So, I did what I had always done as a small child, I said I was "Sooorry" and, "You can hit me back." He looked at me like I was a crack addict asking if I could give him a blow job for 15 bucks. Yeah, it didn't work that well back then either, at least he didn't cry. I must say it was kind of embarrassing to have him flinch when I came within three feet of him. And, did he really have to rub his wound? It made me feel like such a bully. At least I didn't get a time out.
Finally, I committed my first act of actual thievery from the dining hall. I was plucking around in the coffee mugs when I saw my favorite mug. It looks like its from the 1950's and it may or may not be made from radioactive materials (uranium) like Fiestaware but it's not red so I think I am okay. Anyway, I still had some coffee in my mug and was forced to conduct a conversation over the head of an older professor. After a time I remembered he was sitting right next to me (he's old enough to be my grandfather) and then I remembered how many times I said the word "fuck" in the past five minutes (7) and started to feel bad. I grabbed up my mug and started toward the dish bin when I thought, "No, I want this." I snaked along the tables, keeping an eye on the dish attendant and made it to the doorways, where I noticed a neon pink sign that read, "Absolutely No Servery Dishes Beyond This Point". The old rush came on as I passed through the doorway. Hey, that's what they get for having VAFN (vaguely asian food night) all the damn time, right?
-Canadian Castaway
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