Day 52
My sincerest apologies for the shortness of this blog I was at a party that involved Gin and Wii. It is now 4 am so I will just do a brief re-cap here goes:
When we were waiting for a bus downtown (after walking 42.8 kilometers because no bus in this city runs past midnight because they all turn into pumpkins and their drivers into mice) a woman at the stop with us said in a monotone voice, "there is a guy across the street without any pants or underwear on." And there he was, his friends taking photos all the while looking down the street at a giant woman cop who hadn't noticed the half naked guy and didn't notice him until he grabbed a road cone and stuck it over his dick and stood out in the street waving at cars. The lady cop finally noticed him and her voice carried faintly across the street, "Put your pants on."
I finally saw the benefits of living in a community of hi-rise buildings. If you live in a neighborhood of these buildings and possess a semi-decent pair of binoculars you don't have to spend any money at all on entertainment. There is nothing more fun than peeping into over a hundred windows and looking for people having sex...well, it would probably have been more fun had I caught anyone actually having sex.
Fun Fact: Apparently, there are places where people wrestle each other in a pit of K-Y jelly.
Today I made a cake and finally caught on to how exhilarating baking can be. When you see the finished product and it doesn't look all that fucked up AND it smells good it can be a blast. I bet it's even more amazing when instead of using a cake mix and a South African assistant you make something from scratch and do it by yourself. But, you gotta be realistic.
I learned today that "The Joy of Cooking" includes not only recipes of how to cook squirrel meat, but a detailed description of how to clean them AND accompanying illustrations that show you exactly where to slice and how to step on it's tail when you are pulling it apart. Also, it is best to try and catch a possum and feed it milk and cereals for 10 days and then kill it, although I am not exactly sure why.
How badly are you addicted to sweets when you place an international call to a candystore owner to chat about odd Canadian candy bars and then beg him to send you a care package?
At the party tonight there was a guy who is allergic to nuts and a girl who can't eat gluten. I knew these things but why did I keep offering the guy my pecan-ish cake and the girl bread with brie? I know I got a little messed up but that may be either deep maliciousness or dementia, it's so hard to tell which.
I really wanted to take a sneak photo of my bodyguard pissing in the bushes. Maybe I wanted to get back at him because some guy was feeling him up on the bus and I got jealous. My bodyguard and I walked in the rain today and he bitched and moaned about how his clothes were getting wet and his hair was getting messed up. When we finally got out of the rain he started drying his hair with napkins. Is this occasion to be freaked out or fascinated?
What I don't like about Canada exhibit 21: Tonight I got a huge lecture from a Canadian about how people in the U.S. don't recycle. What the hell, right? Just because we don't' have recycling containers attached to our public trash bins (it's not like there is ever recycling in them, I check) doesn't mean we don't recycle.
More tomorrow...
-Canadian Castaway
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