Day 51
This morning I ate eggs and sat with a group of people who like to hold game nights and not invite everyone, in other words, a clique. These people aren't (at least outwardly) assholes, except when you walk by them playing their brainy little board games and they look at you like you are about to make a joke about their grandmother that died yesterday. Anyway, at breakfast they were having a lively debate over some detail of the exclusive game they had played the night before. And one of them turned to me and asked, "You know what I mean, right?" I took my opportunity. "Actually, I would know what you mean if you ever invited me to play the game with you guys." Everyone shut up, their smiles faded and their eyes suddenly became interested at the toast in front of them.
Eventually, the girl I had made my remark to said, "Oh well, the games can only have so many players. You should, ahh, let us know which game you are ahh--interested in and if people don't show up or we have room for you we'll send you an email."
"Yeah, you know I'm pretty busy so I don't think I'll be waiting around for the chance that you guys might let me play your games." She tried to muster a laugh as though it were a joke. (and, it was, sort of) All of this wonderful drama and eggs, I am a lucky girl. (hold on, I gotta check my email, maybe they want me to hang out with them) If we're in high school again I'd like to know cause this time around I'm gonna try and sleep with a jock and dye my hair purple with pink streaks in it and tell my parents to, "Fuck off." (it was so fun the first time around)
I finally watched the movie Ice Age tonight and it will probably bother me for days, maybe weeks. It could've been the wine and the interruptions by creepy men stopping by to watch (they walked in the door, each one saying, "Ice Age!") but there were just a few things that weren't right about it, here is a very brief list:
1. If a wholly mammoth could talk would it really sound like Ray Romano? If the answer is yes then its predators would have a lot more to fear than being kabob-ed by a tusk.
2. The watermelon scene: a. would they really know how to spike a watermelon in the end zone. b. Given the baby's age and time period of existence would it really know how to throw up its arms in a touchdown signal? c. Does anybody even care that football had not yet been invented. (I know you are supposed to suspend your disbelief but come on)
3. Besides the watermelon scene and the opening scene nobody really eats anything. Isn't that a little odd?
4. Where the fuck did that squirrel get that nut? And, at the end when he thaws out miraculously alive does anyone remember that he popped his nut like popcorn (even though it was an acorn)? Don't tell me he got another nut. From where? Under the ice?
5. And this one really will make me stay up late at night clawing the sheets, why the hell do they call the kid "Squirt"? Really, squirt? I think I'm gonna puke up my corn nuts.
(and I'm not gonna even mention the fact that a saber-toothed tiger would never go against his fellow saber-tooths, EVER. And, don't tell me the damn overgrown cat wouldn't at least eat the sloth.)
Tonight I had to bartend a wine and cheese function dealing with lectures on the homeless. A dude with glasses and a corduroy blazer came up and asked for a beer. I told him that we only had wine and he sneered and remarked that this shouldn't be a fancy party with wine and cheese when they are talking about the homeless. I wish I would've told him that it really doesn't matter because fancy-ass scholars wearing designer glasses and Kenneth Coles really aren't going to be out there doing something for the homeless they are really only a conversation topic so it really doesn't matter what they serve at their little feel good party. Instead I smiled at him as though I found him humorous and said, "Red or white?".
I have finally kicked my facebook addiction. I replaced it with a watching The Sarah Silverman Program and Strangers With Candy addiction. My only fear now is that I think I am the characters. It's not like I can go around throwing off Jewish jokes or saying Jerri Blankian things like, "Cancer? That's hilarious!" Or could I? Perhaps I'd better make my bodyguard take up Jujutsu and move into my closet. He keeps threatening me with "a shiv to your side" all the time lately I don't know how kindly he'd take to my suggestions. I could submit them in written form on facebook, if I could ever stop watching Sarah Silverman shooting turtles named "Toot".
-Canadian Castaway
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