Day 26
I had my second round of classes today, which included the dreaded class. The dreaded class is taught by a "calm" woman (translation: a woman with a voice better suited for conducting meditation class). We had met out on the lawn for our first class as it was per her tradition to hold the first class outside. An effect that I feared would carry into the next class...it did. So there we sat with ourbooks settling into the soggy wet grass and our asses soaking dew through to our underwear. Bugs crawled all over me and my homework, the sun scorched the backs of my calves. Would it be inappropriate to ask before signing up for a course if it would be taught by a soothing woman who prefers nature to the safety of deteriorating classrooms filled with rotting books? What does that mean if it is your main choice for not taking that course no matter how intriguing the subject matter is?
Suppertime always guarantees an interesting mix of people. The conversation changes quite often but I am always assuming the role of resident comeback queen, practicing casual insulting of my companions and I like it that way. Today I was set up by a genius of astrophysics. He whipped out his wallet and showed me a picture of a kid. I asked who the kid was. He replied, "My sister's kid, remember? The sister that reminds me of you." I did remember, without thinking I said, "Oh, the sister that looks just like me except I'm fatter." (his words) "Yes, you are," he said. I will never be able to show my face at the dinner table again, but at least I'll lose a few pounds from the onset of anorexia. Spit on your sister's kid!
In an effort to avoid dealing with the difficulties of the real world I've decided to compile a wish list for santa...
Dear Santa-
I want one of each of the following:
1. 198 more facebook friends.
2. Superpowers (any variety would work, but it would be awesome to read minds).
3. A kingdom.
4. My own laboratory with a gorgeous scientist at my disposal. Who only knows the words, "As you wish" and is named, Westley.
5. A drive to do awesome things and the ability to carry them to fruition.
6. A wine bottle that no matter how much you pour out of it never goes empty.
7. A dinner of mac and cheese and fish sticks that I will eat with Abe Lincoln, Flannery O'Connor and the Powerpuff Girls.
8. Good-looking, normal-sized feet and an extra finger on each hand.
9. Kevin Smith at my door with Jeff Dunham and Peanut and a shit ton of junk food and a week to kill.
10. And finally, I want a new Pez dispenser.
I promise I'll be good, Santa...someday.
-Canadian Castaway
For the official record may it be noted that today I saw my first Canadian in a "Canadian Tuxedo" and when I pointed it out to him he didn't find it humorous...at all.
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